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Posts by Alexandra123
Joined: Oct 14, 2010
Last Post: Oct 17, 2010
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Alexandra123   
Oct 14, 2010
Undergraduate / How moving to the US changed me - CU Boulder Essay [4]

It sounds good but it doesnt sound like a college essay.
It sounds like youre just explaining a story about how a costume party didnt turn out into what you thought it would. Its a good concept however.

I later started thinking about how narrow-minded most of the people I know back home are. Apparently, if you've lived your whole life on an island so small that the deer outnumbers the humans, you're not allowed to be different. (Not sure what's bothering me so much about this part, but I'd love some advice on how to make it sound better.)

I like that phrase a lot but the diction sounds akward. Try reading it out loud and see what words fit and what words dont.

I think what you should do is maybe find another example, one that sets you apart from others but one that others can also relate to?

I hope i was kinda helpful!
Alexandra123   
Oct 14, 2010
Undergraduate / "Enriching my life in college" - Summer Bridge Program, why i am interested in it. [5]

getting this program would give me the opportunity to go to college, so please be honest and critical so i can make it better in every way.

Thank you!

The first day I started ninth grade, one of the school's guidance counselor came in our first class and sang to us about our future. That's right, sang. The song he picked was very inspirational, The Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston. And though it made us laugh, the message behind it stayed with us. As ninth graders we were at the bottom of the totem pole, but as humans, we were in charge of how the world was going to turn out. There was one slight problem. I had no idea what I wanted to with my life. Did I want to be a psychologist? Perhaps a teacher? Maybe even a biochemist. At point in my life, I didn't know nor cared. I was young and I still had years before I had to finalize my thoughts. Tenth grade soon started after that, and my singing guidance counselor was now singing to other kids. I was enjoying my classes, spending most of my time in the medical academy, fascinated by the things we learned in Sports Injury/ Nutrition. When the year ended, I decided to stay in the academy and see what else I could love to learn. By eleventh grade I was in love with the medical aspect of life. My academy classes were the ones I cherishes, learning so much more in First Responder then I ever did in Trigonometry. We studied EMT's and their duties, even had mock scenes with fake patients. We would go to FMTI (Florida Medical Training Institute) and learn along side firefighters/paramedics. We went to visit Trauma Hawk and shadowed the nurses on call and that's when I realized what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be a nurse, and just a hospital nurse but a NAVY nurse. I followed that passion and went to talk to NAVY officers about what my future would look like if I did join. The description and picture painted in my mind fit perfectly. Everyday would be something new, I would travel and heal. I started volunteering at the community hospital once a week and would rotate shifts with the nurses. One day I was on the ER floor, taking blood pressure and an accurate medical history and the next I was giving hope to a terminally ill patient, speaking to her in French, making her laugh. I got certified in CPR for both kids and adult and become a Certified Medical Administrative Assistant. The Summer Bridge Program could help me fulfill my dream of being a NAVY nurse, of going to college in general. My parents can't be there to help me the way this program could. I may not be the best student but I am very passionate about the things I want to accomplish and the C.A.R.E. Summer Bridge Program would be the greatest thing I could ever ask for. FSU is a fantastic school and I would love to be able to learn all that I could in my field of interest at Florida State.
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