Undergraduate / "I'm a human with flaws" - personal essay (hardships, challenges, opportunities) [3]

Hey guys, the prompt is "There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment."

I am human. That basic idea right there incorporates the fact that I make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. Our entire society runs on the simple task of learning from its mistakes. Some of them make major impacts on my life, others are minute. High school is a melting pot of people and ideas, and those who make the right choices from the start will gain a prodigious advantage over those who don't.

The diversity of our nation is condescending in that the various groups of people in this country feel the need to fit in to society. In the first two years of my high school career, I felt the need to fit in. Being a south Asian member of society, my cultural background was quite different from the deeply white, republican society that was apparent in Frisco Texas and as soon as high school started, I immediately had the urge to become accepted into this society. At the moment, I failed to realize the importance the first year of high school had on my future; 'There's still three more years!' right? Wrong. The first and second years of high school are crucial; the decision one makes during the first few years sets his grade point average and rank for the rest of high school. I procrastinated; I would rather have trivial enjoyments such as movies or games than do my work on time. High school is a time of rebellion. I would go against the excellent work ethic and values that my parents have taught me since childhood to do what's 'cool' or 'fun'. I became lazy, 'it's just a homework grade'. I didn't realize that my future was slipping right through my fingers. I overworked myself, selecting as many AP classes to fit in my schedule as physically possible, and I know I could have been exultant in those classes if I had only put my mind to them. I focused my time on other things, a volunteer effort in Dallas, an expensive college preparation class, and my hobbies in electronics were just some of the activities that kept me away from schoolwork on a weekly basis.

By the end of sophomore year, it was too late. My grades had plundered into a void. The very friends that I tried to be like had the advantage over me. School had pushed me down into the lower end of the student body. I realized this wasn't right. Knowledge is what's cool. The fact that I'm a unique person is what's cool. School comes first. It took me two years to realize that, but I'm glad it did eventually. I struggled the next year, pushing through words like 'Improvement' and 'future' through my mind despite a few naive teachers, one in particular who couldn't even speak proper English. The results weren't enough; by putting my mind to it, I pushed my rank up a whole 112 people. But it was too late; the consequences of two bad years of high school stopped me from advancing any further. If I put my mind to something, the possibilities are endless. I worked hard in volunteering, and I definitely hope that I made some effect on another person's life; I also worked hard in my college prep class, giving me an SAT score that I am adequately satisfied with. But when it came to school, I definitely had overlooked it. Time was short, and I advanced as much as I could, but the only place where I was utterly successful was in my mind. My new understanding of value definitely brought change upon me.

I am human, I have faults, and I am willing to work on them. Since childhood, I exhibited precocious ability, and the only way I can look at this is that instead of blooming late, and being behind everyone in high school, I merely got ahead of them on a college frame of mind. I'm ready for what life throws at me, for I am a changed man; I've been through my fair share of struggle, and know that if I put my mind to it, I will get it done. I won't let anyone change that, society is merely my witness.

Any thoughts or ideas? I really really need your input! THANKS!

Undergraduate / Dr. Irish Kumar. - Someone who's made an impact [3]

Hey guys, this essay is for the entrance into UTaustin from the Applytexas website.

An impact is an effect or impression of one entity on another. We as people are impacted by numerous factors, in this case, other people. However, those who create a lasting impact, we remember. In order for one to make an enduring influence on another's life, a bond must be made that changes an insight to life. It is hard to gauge the size of the impact that is created in the mind of one person by the hundreds of millions that he or she may come in contact with over a lifetime, but one thing is apparent; a noteworthy impact will help us change our views, follow our ambitions, and demonstrate the human aspiration to gain knowledge.

Luckily, I met my impact at an early age while quenching my precocious thirst to help the world, a longing that I attained as a result of spending years in foreign nations. Consequently, as I volunteered at a charitable clinic one summer in Dallas, I was extremely fortunate to meet a man that already made his impression on the world; Dr. Irish Kumar. My first impression of Kumar was in itself a fascination. He was assisting an elderly lady, a routine situation due to the copious amount of the aged. Typically, we the members who work at the center try to exert a positive display of enthusiasm to all the patients, but, the tedious, mundane, everyday practices of the clinic left us lethargic, and grey. The doctor however, in spite of the ordinary, showed the most jovial sympathy and compassion. He loved what he did, and his benevolence reached out to me on that very instance, and stayed with me since. A passion to help the world may have burned in my heart at one point in time, but the flame was ephemeral. Dr. Kumar re-Ignited that flame, giving me a captivated new outlook towards patients, that they are your friends. This is an imperative attitude that anyone pursuing a career bent on helping society must have, heeding Dr. Kumar a vital influence on my future.

As summer pushed on, my time with Kumar grew, and quickly I learned of the significance this man has had on society. Only in this man alone have I seen the epitome of a doctor. Why? Kumar from an early age exhibited a keen desire to do good to society. And, in order to do so, he traveled the world, seeking knowledge. After acquiring this intelligence, he spread it to others. Knowledge is meant to be distributed, and in the many of Kumar's lectures and seminars, he did just that. His pursuits to aid the people of the world led him on a global expenditure to nearly every part of this world. He clearly portrays the sole purpose of a doctor: to help the people as much as physically possible. Kumar was not a successful man in terms of wealth, but in relation to accomplishment, he was victorious. I found direct comparisons in him to myself that summer, and this helped create an impression of him in my mind. We both have seen the misery of the world, we both want to help the world, and we strive as much as possible to do so.

Summer ended, and school started, but the impression Dr. Kumar made on me did not cease to exist. He was a man of noble struggles, and interests, and hopefully, some of his integrity rubbed off on me. He made me realize many things, that success is measured in 'accomplishing what you love' and not in terms of money. He taught me that I need to follow my ambitions despite the depravity of the situations life places me in. Also, he showed me that knowledge is everything. Success depends on the simple acquisition of it. Therefore, Dr. Kumar has made a significant impression on me, a key series of impacts that I will cherish forever.

Any thoughts?
Have i made it too long?
or picked a subject thats irrelevant?
Anything would help
thanks:D