Writing Feedback / "heart-ache and identity transformation" - Cbest, negative experience essay [4]

hello everyone. I took the Cbest test and failed it. Here's a similar question and answer i wrote on my essay. Any help on how i can improve is greatly appreciated.

Describe a negative experience. Describe why it had such an impact on you. Explain what you gained from it.

We all experienced some kind of defeat or failure in our lives. Some people feel ashamed and discouraged by these "negative experiences," but there are many valuable lessons to be learned. On of my negative experiences as a young adolescence changed my life, and it involved tremendous heart-ache and identity transformation. An immature, egocentric, and obedient child I was, this experience has helped me transformed my irrational thinking to rational thinking, from an immature child to a mature adult, a self-centered person to a person who can empathize with others, and most importantly, a person with goals, dreams, hope, and self-respect.

My parents and I often quarrel mostly due to barriers experienced by most immigrant families: the struggle between immigrant parents who can not adjust to the changes and challenges of rising a new generation of westernized kids, and kids who don't understand the parents' perspective of preserving traditional values. Coming from a country where a decent education is beyond anyone's dream, my parents wanted the best education for me. Unfortunately, I got pregnant during my sophomore's year and had to drop out of school. Understandable, due to culture's norms and traditional values, my parents disgraced me. I was verbally abused and eventually, neglected.

I will never forget three days after my child was born. I held her tight in my arms, sitting at the park, no where to go, and no one to turn to. I thought about hurting myself. Depressed, alone, and ashamed, we sat there for hours. Finally, she opened here eyes and looked at me for the first time. At that moment, an indescribable emotion dispersed throughout my body, and all the negative energy and stress seem to have disappeared. A force of energy has lifted me up, and I knew exactly what I needed to do. I knew I had to take care of this baby and make our lives better. My child became my world and my motivation. It took a lot of hard work, but I found a shelter, a job, and eventually, my Bachelor's degree.

The birth of my child helped me understand and viewed the world from a different perspective. My maturity, autonomy, confidence, and purpose in life were altered and redirected. Most important of all, I found my joy and pride- my previous daughter.