Undergraduate / "both academic excellence and volunteer experiences" WHY DUKE? [3]

After eye-witnessing an unimaginable poverty in the slums of Vietnam, I have aspired to study Sociology in depth to found an NGO that seeks to assist in bringing help and justice to third world countries. Duke is very attractive to me because it will help me achieve both academic excellence and life-changing volunteer experiences, developing myself into a well-balanced and examined individual.

Aside from the obvious reasons - driven people, school spirit and basketball - that make Duke lovable, there are two reasons that motivated me to attend Duke. First, at Duke, I will have an opportunity to put what I have learned in the lecture rooms into the real lives of people through programs like DukeEngage and SEE! The World. By volunteering and studying not just domestically, but also globally, I will be equipped with not only an expanded view of the world where I will serve, but also an awareness of the problems that I will solve. Second, at Duke, I can have all the research opportunities that I can get at a big research university, and yet still enjoy its liberal arts college benefits. Through the First-Year Seminars Program and the FOCUS program, I will be able to explore my intellectual curiosity with the guidance of the mentors who are experts in their fields. Given that I aspire to be a global leader who can reach out to those in need, I am particularly interested in taking Ethics, Leadership & Global Citizenship with Professor Suzanne E. Shanahan. A place that provides tools necessary for me to develop both as a dreamer and a human, Duke is, without a doubt, a school that I have to go.

Any feedback and correction will be much appreciated !
thank you so much for your help in advance :)

Undergraduate / What winning a talent show meant to me - Common App Essay [2]

Dong Kwan Kim

prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Before coming to the United States, I was an outgoing and amiable kid in Korea. With every yearbook signed up saying "You're a funny kid," I thought I really was a funny and amiable kid. But the story changed when I came to the United States. In a community where international students were rare, I would get condescending looks from the students in the hallway, sometimes a racial remark on a bad day. In addition to my different looks, not being fluent in English scared me from expressing my thoughts to people. Day by day, I noticed myself growing introverted, not a funny kid that I used to be. Feeling insecure, not knowing what to do, I would pick up my guitar and sing along. Music was a friend that I daily talked to; she didn't care whether I was different from others, nor that I could not speak English well. She was always there to comfort me, taking away the burdens that I carried from school.

My conversation with music grew longer and deeper each day. One day, I would talk about how there is a girl to whom I want to say, "You're beautiful" and "I'm yours." Then on another day, I would talk about people's "human nature" and how I want to "heal the world." With music, I felt confidence that I could not feel at school, and had an identity that I could not find at school.

Then, on one ordinary day, walking in the hall way in the school, I was struck by the news in the bulletin that made my heart beat going faster: It was about a talent show. Although my once outgoing self kept asking me to sign up right away, my new introverted self talked about "what if's," telling me the mistakes on stage would make the whole situation worse. Blankly accustomed to my new self, I nodded my head, thinking I could not do such a "brave" thing. But with a day of consideration, I signed up for a talent show, knowing music would be the only way I could truly express who I am to others.

However, when the day of the talent show finally approached, the battle between my old self and my new self intensified. I kept asking if I should just quit it now or just do it. But the answer was simple: I had too much loyalty for my "best friend" to quit it now. So I decided against my new self and walked on stage. Seeing auditorium-full, I was scared my introverted self would ruin the song, my day, and my life as an international student in Holland, Michigan.

Though my eyes were unfocused, my lips shaking, I nevertheless started singing. And as soon as I started singing, I felt at ease. Three hours of daily "conversations" with my guitar brought me confidence. As soon as I began to play guitar and sing, I saw people's jaw dropping down; they did not know I could sing like this; they thought I was just one typical studious Asian bookworm who could not talk. They started clapping with my rhythm as song's chorus went on, and some started singing along. Hearing audiences' sounds up on stage, I felt the true joy and happiness. And suddenly, my old self slowly emerged.

Winning that talent show had so much impact in my life. It has taught me that although new surroundings could keep me from being who I am, with the courage from persistent practices, I could fearlessly walk on that overwhelming "stage" in life. That life lesson I have learned from the talent show was life-changing enough for me to donate my prize to charity, hoping that someone at the Community Action House could be also impacted from my courage.

I am sending this in to U of M for Early Action. Any comments and feedbacks would be appreciated! :)