Italack
Oct 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "Homeless for a night" Stanford Essay, an experience intellectually stimulates you [11]
"A single ladle of condensed chicken noodle soup poured into my bowl and I took broke a white roll from the bag stamped with 99 cents in red letters."
This part sounds a bit awkward:
...and I took broke a white roll from the bag stamped with 99 cents in red lettersI would suggest:
A single ladle of condensed chicken noodle soup poured into my bowl; I took a white roll from the bag stamped "99 cents" in red font.
Misspelling and another suggestion for this part:
I unrolled my sleeping back into the brown cave and climbed in.
I would suggest:
I unrolled my sleeping bag into thebrowncardboard cave and climbed in.
Say whhaaaat?:
This night was lucky not a common event for me.
I would suggest:
Luckily, the events of this night were not a common occurrence for me.
(I still dont like the way I put it on that one, but something along those lines)
"A single ladle of condensed chicken noodle soup poured into my bowl and I took broke a white roll from the bag stamped with 99 cents in red letters."
This part sounds a bit awkward:
...and I took broke a white roll from the bag stamped with 99 cents in red lettersI would suggest:
A single ladle of condensed chicken noodle soup poured into my bowl; I took a white roll from the bag stamped "99 cents" in red font.
Misspelling and another suggestion for this part:
I unrolled my sleeping back into the brown cave and climbed in.
I would suggest:
I unrolled my sleeping bag into the
Say whhaaaat?:
This night was lucky not a common event for me.
I would suggest:
Luckily, the events of this night were not a common occurrence for me.
(I still dont like the way I put it on that one, but something along those lines)