Undergraduate / "teaching learning, research, or public service activities" - event, UF Essay Help [4]

Hello i'm just wondering if anyone could read over my essay today for the University of Florida, and give me some feedback.
Topic: Please write a narrative in which you describe a meaningful event experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience on your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship, or call to service.

Perspiring profusely, feeling queasy, shaking constantly, and absolutely just ready to pack up and go home. But thinking to myself, I knew deep down going home was definitely he last thing I wanted to do. A years worth of hard work and dedication was not about to be wasted. I couldn't let everyone down or myself. It was August 29 2008, the day to prove that I am the best snare player in Monarch High School. Four whistles blew; It was time to go; with a tight grip of my sticks, I took a deep breathe, and started the tap off to march into the stadium. Seeing all my friends in the parking lot, in the stands, and on the football field cheer me on and compliment me as they would walk by all night long was undoubtedly one of the greatest experiences I could have. At the end of the night, I felt as if nothing could ruin my night or bring me down. Now unfortunately, after my sophomore year at Monarch High School, my family and I moved out of the district and relocated to Sunrise Florida. Therefore I had to attend Piper High School, and leave my band first band family which devastated me. Even though I was completely and utterly discouraged to attend Piper High School, because i didn't know anyone and my friends are completely out of my range, there were two decisions to make. The first being to either join the Piper High Band and make a name for myself, and the other being to not join the band and just try to get through these last two years of high school quick and easy. After tallying up the pros and cons over and over again, I decided to hopefully join a new band family and make the best out my last two years. One main contributor to helping me make this decision was my love for playing the snare drum in a high school marching band and looking back now, it seems like one of the best decisions I have ever made. Now joining the band my junior year came with a few letdowns but one hit me like no other. That major letdown was that I could not play a snare drum until the following year. The constant aggravation, frustration, and irritation of coming every day to practice knowing that I won't be on a drum until a full year tortured me like no other. However, i consider myself a trooper so I took that year and worked my but off to assure my spot on the field for next year. By my third semester of school, my percussion instructor declared that I would have a drum next year and i had a name already picked out for her. So as my senior came around, the anxiety was soon satisfied. Although I was involved with more than one band program, there were two lessons that I will never forget, discipline and responsibility. In a drum line, discipline and responsibility are crucial because, without discipline there is no order and your playing is affected. You begin to sound all cluttered and out of sync and that's the complete opposite of how a drum line should sound. I plan to use the many skills I have learned here and apply them to my education and life at the University of Florida. I have intentions of seeking knowledge honestly, fairly, and accept responsibility for my actions and the consequences of my actions while attending the university. You speak of academic integrity, and I strongly believe without academic integrity there is no trust or reliance on the effectiveness, accuracy or value of a university's teaching learning, research, or public service activities.

This is all I have so far so PLEASE!! WITH THE DEADLINE THIS MONDAY CAN YOU GET BACK AT ME AS SOO AS YOU CAN.! Thank you entirely.