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Posts by CrystalP475
Joined: Nov 6, 2010
Last Post: Nov 17, 2010
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CrystalP475   
Nov 6, 2010
Undergraduate / "There will ALWAYS be more to learn." - Mr. Holmes, important person, UT Austin [3]

I think that the essay is good. Especially the last sentence! One thing I would focus on is the detail in some parts though. I noticed that when reading it, I wanted a more detailed recount of your Advanced Orchestra Class, and what actually happened that caused your epiphany.

However, I'm only a HS Senior (probably like you) so I can't be for certain that my comments will make your essay better.

Would it be possible for you to look at my essay that I wrote for Texas Universities? It is the same topic as yours.
CrystalP475   
Nov 6, 2010
Undergraduate / "an intelligent and strong-willed person, Kriston" - impact person, Texas [4]

Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

Her laughter is still heard from her daughter, her smile rests with her son. The impact she had made on life, lies within us all. Kriston Reid was our neighbor, during the eighteen months that we had spent in London, England, and her family was ours. When we knew her, she had overcome brain cancer, by fighting through chemotherapy, and fighting for life. Although she had bad luck in her life, she always wished and worked for others' happiness.

When I think of Kriston, I see an intelligent and strong-willed person, filled with warmth and love. If someone ever needed anything, Kriston could help them in some way. She helped all of us, in some way or another, to find what we needed in life. She inspired me to fight for what I believe in, and to help others whenever I can. Although these are basic actions, I had lost them at that point. She had given me my life back.

Not only helping me, she tried to help millions of animals world-wide. She studied the treatment of livestock on farms across the United States. Her findings were shocking, diseased cows, in pain, were not treated, and were served with the other cows as beef. She advocated against these farms, and tried to make a difference. Even though she was not able to make a difference in this industry, her desire lives on in me. Fighting animal cruelty has become part of my life. I have given speeches, and have boycotted many products that test on animals. Her passion for the health of animals, when she herself wasn't one hundred percent cancer-free is inspiring. Her passion has inspired me so that I am going to make a difference, and help end animal cruelty around the world. Whether it is experimentation on animals, or not caring for diseased animals, I am going to fix it.

Whether advocating for animal justice, or coming over to chat, she lived her life to the fullest. She had an on-going battle with brain cancer, but she never let that stop her from being a caring person. Even though my brother and I were only friends with her, she spent hours with us, treating us like our lives mattered. I will never forget her smile when my brother told her that the project they had worked on together earned him an 'A'. Even if her schedule was jam-packed, she always had enough time to help someone in need. There was one point during a summer, when we needed an extra bed because of guests visiting us. Not allowing anything else, she opened her home to my cousins for the duration of the trip. Although my cousins had never met Kriston before, they were treated as family. Knowing someone with generosity to such a degree, I can't help but hope that I will be able to be that generous. Her generosity had encouraged me to become the best person that I can be, and to help as much as I can. Even when I was busy, we had enough time, that we can donate some to helping others. It is one of my goals to inspire others of this generosity, so that her dream of making a difference will be completed.

Even without making a difference world-wide, she made a difference in the lives of those close to her. We will carry her wishes and beliefs with us, and even though she wasn't able to make a difference in the world, we will, in her memory. It's depressing to know that she lost her battle in the end, that she was taken from us too soon, and that we will never feel her warmth again. She was an Earth's guardian angel, caring for everything on the planet.

She is my role model, someone who represents the best qualities, and the perfect person. It would be superb if I was able to be slightly like her, and be even slightly as incredible as she was. No matter what happens, she will live in my heart forever.

I know that the transitions aren't that good.
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