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Posts by dxtania
Joined: Nov 6, 2010
Last Post: Nov 12, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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dxtania   
Nov 12, 2010
Undergraduate / "playing the electric guitar" talent, accomplishment, - UC Prompt [3]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Here's my essay for this prompt, please be brutal.
Any help is appreciated, thanks to all.

Talent was something I never attributed to myself very easily. I was always a very insecure and pessimistic person; partially because of the people I let affect me and fully because of myself. Even though I never realized I had talent, I still pursued one thing with determination: playing the electric guitar. But starting lessons my freshman year of high school, I never knew that it would become the reason I could finally change my outlook on myself or find out who I wanted to be.

The reason I started to play the guitar was something I am not very proud of at all. I did not even think I would like playing the guitar; I just wanted a reason to show off. I knew that people who played an instrument usually had a lot of friends, and I thought it would help me finally fit in. What I soon came to realize was that it was something I really did enjoy doing. I knew I did not play well after the first few months, but I persevered. I soon became good enough to join a local garage band, and this finally made me feel like I was worth something.

This band became my source of accomplishment and something to turn to whenever I was feeling down. Still, I never viewed it as anything above mediocre. Sure I could do something that not many other people could do, but I would chastise myself for even the slightest mistake. I wanted to be perfect and this did not present itself as an obstacle in my life until I became depressed over my inability to be perfect. I tried so hard to be something I could not be, something no one could be and it ate away at me. I was stuck in an impossible to please mindset that lasted for quite a while.

It was not until someone close to me made me realize that I was worth something, that I could be anything I wanted to be, that I got over this torturous mindset. He knew that he could not just spoon feed me what I wanted to hear, so instead he showed me what I had already done in a new light. Instead of just viewing my accomplishments alone, he taught me to compare it to things I had already done. I learned how to acknowledge the fact that I was improving at a fast rate and I finally accepted the fact that I was never going to be perfect. Instead, I used my want to be perfect to fuel my ability to improve myself even further.

After 3 years of playing the guitar, and constantly improving, I realized it was a huge part of who I am now and who I want to be. Being a musician is not something just anybody can do, creativity is something you have to possess. Creativity does not come from practice either; it is something you have to realize that you have the ability for some points in your life. At this point, I knew I had found out who I was and I finally replaced the negative outlook I always had on myself. Proud of whom I am now and the fact that I know I can be anything I want to be, I know that I will be able to excel in college. Creativity is something that many people do not think of as applicable to everything, but I believe it is and I am confident that with this mindset and talent I will be able to succeed in any aspect of life.
dxtania   
Nov 12, 2010
Writing Feedback / Describe your grandmother who is important to you (150 words) [5]

As my grandfather said, when she was young, she was the most beautiful girl in her village and many boys want to flirt with her.

She had a gorgeous long pepper-and-salt hair that everyone praised it .

She was slim yet healthy

She cooked many nutritious, tasty meals

She always listened to the grandchildren and understood us. When we had the difficulties, she gave us many pieces of advice and helped us to overcome them .

These are a few things I think should be fixed besides the ones pink panther pointed out.
Another thing - maybe you shouldn't start so many sentences with she? My best advice would be show don't tell. Hope I helped
dxtania   
Nov 6, 2010
Undergraduate / "go as far as I can in this world" where you come from, your aspirations [2]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I really need a lot of help with this prompt. I've got an idea as what I want to portray as the world I come from, but I'm having a hard time tying it to my dreams and aspirations because frankly, I don't have any. So trying to tie my world to something I don't really have is a bit tough for me.. This is a pure rough draft, I'm sure I'm gonna change almost all of it so please be brutal. I just have the main points I want to include so far and I don't know how long my second essay is going to be so I might have to expand this.

In some ways, you could say that I shouldn't have achieved all the accomplishments I have. My parents were two very different people, and when they divorced they became even more different. Never concerned with me, my dad always chastised me for all the academic things. I needed an A plus not an A minus. I needed to join all the volunteer services and join all the honor classes no matter what the toll on me was. All he was concerned with was what my transcript looked like, not with who I was.

On the other hand, as long as I seemed to be doing well, while I was with mom I was allowed to do anything I wanted. I had no visible boundaries to who I could be. I could've taken this to do all the things that could ruin my life, but I didn't. I didn't get into drugs. I didn't associate myself with the wrong people. Instead, I used both of my parents values to explore the endless opportunities I had on the other side.

I was able to run free and find exactly the person I wanted to be. In the process, I became part of a rock band, I found my niche mathematics, and along the way I associated myself with people that would support me. With my newfound forte's I began to embark on an endless journey - to go as far as I can in this world. I was extremely creative, but at the same time I was extremely logical. Instead of choosing one, I fused both and going from there became what I am going to forever pursue.

Any help is appreciated, thank you all!
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