cjbosmeny
Nov 11, 2010
Undergraduate / "This naive American girl impacted me" - University of Texas (Austin) Essay [4]
This is the rough draft of my first UT essay. Please be honest with your feedback and any changes i can make to improve it. Thanks so much!
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you. (it must be no longer than 120 eighty-character lines of text (including spaces and blank lines)
She was exactly what I didn't want in a partner; immature, dependent upon others, and the perfect example of a "what not to do" AMIGOS volunteer. My rigorous Tucson chapter training had prepared me for the hardships and disappointments of my Panamanian community; however, what most challenged me about my summer wasn't the Spanish language barrier or the cultural differences, but having to work with this incompetent partner.
During our first week in community I found myself more and more frustrated with Ashleigh as she defied every rule of cultural sensitivity in the book. Between her large dark sunglasses and giant rollie-suitcase, she did anything but assimilate with the native culture. She had been so sheltered throughout her life that the initial shock of our rural community left her nearly mute our first few week in community. The few times she did speak were in English in front of our community members, leaving them to believe she was talking about them.
A few weeks into the summer I became very sick, and needed medical attention. When my Panamanian host mother and supervisor decided it was time to call an ambulance, Ashleigh was already searching for my passports, preparing my medical information and finding someone in our community to carry me to the docks. The broken-down truck that was supposed to transport me to safety looked suddenly more appealing than staying sick in community. My host mom looked at Ashleigh and asked if she was coming to the hospital. Ashleigh, my once awkward and nervous partner, simply responded by jumping into the truck without a doubt in her mind.
Throughout the next twenty-four hours of treatment Ashleigh stayed by my side to tell doctors about my symptoms and constantly reassuring me that it was going to be all right. Even upon returning to our community she was continually checking up on me and explaining to community members what happened and updating them on my status.
At first, this naive American girl seemed like more of a nuisance than anyone I could get along with. But when I needed her the most, Ashleigh put all of her doubts and fears aside and proved to be a better friend than I could have ever imagined. She not only proved me wrong in judging her early on, but also showed me the importance of how much friends matter. Ashleigh made me realize that though friends don't always come in the most obvious packages, we have to really give them a chance to show us before we can judge them.
This is the rough draft of my first UT essay. Please be honest with your feedback and any changes i can make to improve it. Thanks so much!
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you. (it must be no longer than 120 eighty-character lines of text (including spaces and blank lines)
She was exactly what I didn't want in a partner; immature, dependent upon others, and the perfect example of a "what not to do" AMIGOS volunteer. My rigorous Tucson chapter training had prepared me for the hardships and disappointments of my Panamanian community; however, what most challenged me about my summer wasn't the Spanish language barrier or the cultural differences, but having to work with this incompetent partner.
During our first week in community I found myself more and more frustrated with Ashleigh as she defied every rule of cultural sensitivity in the book. Between her large dark sunglasses and giant rollie-suitcase, she did anything but assimilate with the native culture. She had been so sheltered throughout her life that the initial shock of our rural community left her nearly mute our first few week in community. The few times she did speak were in English in front of our community members, leaving them to believe she was talking about them.
A few weeks into the summer I became very sick, and needed medical attention. When my Panamanian host mother and supervisor decided it was time to call an ambulance, Ashleigh was already searching for my passports, preparing my medical information and finding someone in our community to carry me to the docks. The broken-down truck that was supposed to transport me to safety looked suddenly more appealing than staying sick in community. My host mom looked at Ashleigh and asked if she was coming to the hospital. Ashleigh, my once awkward and nervous partner, simply responded by jumping into the truck without a doubt in her mind.
Throughout the next twenty-four hours of treatment Ashleigh stayed by my side to tell doctors about my symptoms and constantly reassuring me that it was going to be all right. Even upon returning to our community she was continually checking up on me and explaining to community members what happened and updating them on my status.
At first, this naive American girl seemed like more of a nuisance than anyone I could get along with. But when I needed her the most, Ashleigh put all of her doubts and fears aside and proved to be a better friend than I could have ever imagined. She not only proved me wrong in judging her early on, but also showed me the importance of how much friends matter. Ashleigh made me realize that though friends don't always come in the most obvious packages, we have to really give them a chance to show us before we can judge them.
