Undergraduate / "My ba ngoai" - Common app essay: Personal essay [11]

As everyone else has said, you have very vivid description and attract us to detail. However I feel that you are a bit wordy at times. The first paragraph appears almost as a series of lists. That may just be your style, but I don't think you want to beat the reader over the head with imagery, especially when that isn't the idea of the essay. It's about you. I think we all struggle with that aspect of these essays. You probably would like to say more than just the fact that you are a good writer.

It is a good essay, and as it stands they're bound to be impressed.