Undergraduate /
Common App Essay (Diversity in a homogenous town) [3]
Great essay I should say.
First of all there is practically no word limit for the Common App essay...(as long as it is less than 1000 words)..the word count's just fine.
I didn't find grammatical errors...but get rid of some semicolons..you've used plenty of semicolons and it's making your sentences dull,
Try to improvise with your sentences.
, you need to explore your transition in depth ...for example in the part after you went to picnic and developed a sort of respect for your culture, I was not convinced enough on how it led to a change in your mind...be sure to add some kind of emotion breakdown..or about your feelings...your reaction..something like that..Go in depth!!
And then choose a convincing a topic for your essay..'Embracing my culture'...'Between the lines'...something like that.
Good Luck.