frankzzsword
Nov 12, 2010
Writing Feedback / Why do some students still drive cars than riding a bus? (Evaluation) [2]
It is a response essay, and I would appreciate if you can provide me constructive feedback on the argument, sentence structures, grammar, organization, critical reasoning and transitions.
Thank you
I've changed some names for privacy concerns.
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Why do cars still prevail among students of DU?
Would riding a bus solve countless problems that students, who drive cars, face every day? According to Lester Parker's article, "The Bus, a Modern Panacea," the bus is an ultimate public transportation solution that saves students' money, benefits the environment, and eliminates parking problems. Parker suggests that riding on a bus can be productive because students can utilize their time by finishing up homework, reading a book or socializing. He also claims that by riding the bus with their HTA pass, students can save up to $8000 as an alternative to driving cars. Parker highlights that commuting by bus is the solution to various global issues such as traffic congestion, increasing oil consumption, and pollution. However, I disagree with Parker that riding a bus is more beneficial than driving a car because the bus is inconvenient, unsafe and consumes time.
Students who travel by bus are forced to plan their schedules according to bus timings, and they are unable to travel late at night, or deal with bad weather conditions. Students who have long breaks between their classes are forced to wait on campus because of the constraints of predetermined bus schedules and the time it takes to travel. Additionally, it becomes frustrating for students when they have to commute by bus in inclement weather conditions, especially in rain or extreme cold. I commute to college every day by light rail and I have to walk for twenty minutes to reach the station, which becomes difficult in bad weather. Last month in October, while I was on the light rail, I got an email from our public speaking professor that our class was cancelled. Since it was raining outside, I had no other option but to call my brother to pick me up from the station. Many buses and trains stop running after 10 PM, which becomes a problem for students who travel late at night. For instance, I like studying in the library, but the last train to my home leaves at 9:30 PM which forces me to go home at that time. In a survey done by DU Transportation Solutions by Eyedin Zonobi in fall 2009, over 1,000 students said HTA (Haryana Transportation Authority) doesn't provide service near them or there is no service at the time they commute, and 706 students said that trains require transfer. These statistics clearly show that the service needs improvement. Moreover, there are several safety issues involved in using public transportation.
Safety is a concern for students who ride the bus because of potential dangers such as: harassment, accidents, and personal safety. Early morning and late night are unsafe. There is hardly anyone at the bus stops and light rail stations. This creates a lot of discomfort especially among female students. While traveling by buses around San Jose, I have seen boys making profane remarks towards girls and then try to talk to them. One of my female friends chose to stay on the campus, only because she felt anxious commuting to Campbell by bus. In urban areas passengers are more likely exposed to violence while using public transit. Accidents are also a safety issue. Last year, ABC News reported that a train derailed near Virginia Station, causing injuries to all the passengers on board. Likewise, KTVU news reported last summer that a bus collided with a car on Senter Road injuring six people badly; however, the driver in the car faced no injuries. It is obvious that using public transit is not safe, and it can cause more injuries in the event of an accident because there are no seat belts or air bags to protect passengers during a collision.
Students are unable to manage their time optimally because commuting by public transit can be time-consuming especially for those who live outside Haryana. For example, riding a bus from San Francisco to campus every day can be frustrating, and since HTA buses don't even go there, students have to pay from their own pocket. One of my friends, commuting from Fremont, used the HTA bus to come to college in his first week of college. He had to switch two buses to reach DU which took about an hour. If the first bus was slightly delayed, he would have missed the connecting bus and would have to wait for thirty minutes. He would have to walk a mile to get to the bus stop and then wait for the bus which easily took half an hour. He felt that he can utilize his time better and started driving to college which saved him about two hours in commuting every day. Steven Polzin points out in his article "Wasting your time," that a according to National Household Transportation Survey, commuters who drive cars travel almost three times faster than commuters who take public transit. In addition to this, one of the main problems that students face is non-availability of bus stops. My friend was lucky to have a bus stop just a mile away because HTA's coverage is not good, and some students have to walk farther just to get to the nearest bus stop. One can avoid this by driving a car.
The HTA buses and trains cannot supersede the comforts, safety and value for time that we enjoy in cars. Parker's argument is much more applicable in a city with extremely good public transportation like Tokyo Metro which covers 5 times the length of HTA, and has wait time of maximum 5 minutes. Although what Parker's proposes is good, but not yet applicable with the current system of HTA. However, if HTA improves its services with better speed and frequency, safety issues, increase in coverage area, and more bus stops then hopefully students can shift to the "Bus Culture," but until that happens, students will continue to drive their cars.
It is a response essay, and I would appreciate if you can provide me constructive feedback on the argument, sentence structures, grammar, organization, critical reasoning and transitions.
Thank you
I've changed some names for privacy concerns.
-----------------------
Why do cars still prevail among students of DU?
Would riding a bus solve countless problems that students, who drive cars, face every day? According to Lester Parker's article, "The Bus, a Modern Panacea," the bus is an ultimate public transportation solution that saves students' money, benefits the environment, and eliminates parking problems. Parker suggests that riding on a bus can be productive because students can utilize their time by finishing up homework, reading a book or socializing. He also claims that by riding the bus with their HTA pass, students can save up to $8000 as an alternative to driving cars. Parker highlights that commuting by bus is the solution to various global issues such as traffic congestion, increasing oil consumption, and pollution. However, I disagree with Parker that riding a bus is more beneficial than driving a car because the bus is inconvenient, unsafe and consumes time.
Students who travel by bus are forced to plan their schedules according to bus timings, and they are unable to travel late at night, or deal with bad weather conditions. Students who have long breaks between their classes are forced to wait on campus because of the constraints of predetermined bus schedules and the time it takes to travel. Additionally, it becomes frustrating for students when they have to commute by bus in inclement weather conditions, especially in rain or extreme cold. I commute to college every day by light rail and I have to walk for twenty minutes to reach the station, which becomes difficult in bad weather. Last month in October, while I was on the light rail, I got an email from our public speaking professor that our class was cancelled. Since it was raining outside, I had no other option but to call my brother to pick me up from the station. Many buses and trains stop running after 10 PM, which becomes a problem for students who travel late at night. For instance, I like studying in the library, but the last train to my home leaves at 9:30 PM which forces me to go home at that time. In a survey done by DU Transportation Solutions by Eyedin Zonobi in fall 2009, over 1,000 students said HTA (Haryana Transportation Authority) doesn't provide service near them or there is no service at the time they commute, and 706 students said that trains require transfer. These statistics clearly show that the service needs improvement. Moreover, there are several safety issues involved in using public transportation.
Safety is a concern for students who ride the bus because of potential dangers such as: harassment, accidents, and personal safety. Early morning and late night are unsafe. There is hardly anyone at the bus stops and light rail stations. This creates a lot of discomfort especially among female students. While traveling by buses around San Jose, I have seen boys making profane remarks towards girls and then try to talk to them. One of my female friends chose to stay on the campus, only because she felt anxious commuting to Campbell by bus. In urban areas passengers are more likely exposed to violence while using public transit. Accidents are also a safety issue. Last year, ABC News reported that a train derailed near Virginia Station, causing injuries to all the passengers on board. Likewise, KTVU news reported last summer that a bus collided with a car on Senter Road injuring six people badly; however, the driver in the car faced no injuries. It is obvious that using public transit is not safe, and it can cause more injuries in the event of an accident because there are no seat belts or air bags to protect passengers during a collision.
Students are unable to manage their time optimally because commuting by public transit can be time-consuming especially for those who live outside Haryana. For example, riding a bus from San Francisco to campus every day can be frustrating, and since HTA buses don't even go there, students have to pay from their own pocket. One of my friends, commuting from Fremont, used the HTA bus to come to college in his first week of college. He had to switch two buses to reach DU which took about an hour. If the first bus was slightly delayed, he would have missed the connecting bus and would have to wait for thirty minutes. He would have to walk a mile to get to the bus stop and then wait for the bus which easily took half an hour. He felt that he can utilize his time better and started driving to college which saved him about two hours in commuting every day. Steven Polzin points out in his article "Wasting your time," that a according to National Household Transportation Survey, commuters who drive cars travel almost three times faster than commuters who take public transit. In addition to this, one of the main problems that students face is non-availability of bus stops. My friend was lucky to have a bus stop just a mile away because HTA's coverage is not good, and some students have to walk farther just to get to the nearest bus stop. One can avoid this by driving a car.
The HTA buses and trains cannot supersede the comforts, safety and value for time that we enjoy in cars. Parker's argument is much more applicable in a city with extremely good public transportation like Tokyo Metro which covers 5 times the length of HTA, and has wait time of maximum 5 minutes. Although what Parker's proposes is good, but not yet applicable with the current system of HTA. However, if HTA improves its services with better speed and frequency, safety issues, increase in coverage area, and more bus stops then hopefully students can shift to the "Bus Culture," but until that happens, students will continue to drive their cars.
