Undergraduate / "If you had a second chance... hip-hop TV" (Purdue Statement,International student) [2]

"If I have the chance to do it again, I'm sure I will insist on taking the hip-pop class to learn what I like." from this sentence i reason out that you have not insisted on taking the hip-pop class which made you very regretful. later you mentioned the initial story that you involved yourself in the hip-pop world and what you have done to attain your dream. but you have not referred to any reason why you quit doing hip-pop. maybe you can illustrate the reason why you can not keep. and then given the second chance, what you will do to extend the chance to the fullest.

thats only my personal opinion, and i hope it will be helpful to you!

Writing Feedback / Improving education of school is the most important factor for successful development [3]

i agree with you. enducation plays a vital role in enhancing one country's economy and even global status. i have heard of news that american is very much concerned about the percentage about the college students in their whole population, cos recently America lagged behind several countries like south korea. SO they have laid out some plan to catch up with these countries.