vahelo
Nov 19, 2010
Writing Feedback / SAT essay: Progress is not possible without a sacrifice [2]
Hi!
Can you please grade this essay in 6 point scale?
thanks a lot!!!
Every valuable achievement and progress necessitates a sacrifice. Marie Curie can be seen as a perfect example of person who sacrificed her health and lifestyle in order to make a contribution in science. Michael Corleone, one of the main heroes of Mario Puzo's novel "Godfather", is another example of a person who sacrificed his life, even his family for the maintenance of his family's values and position. And finally, an example from my experience from Olympiads clearly demonstrates a sacrifice for the sake of progress.
Marie Curie, a prominent scientist, Nobel Prize laureate and the founder of the radioactivity theory is one of the best examples that illustrates how a person can sacrifice his health and lots of other values in order to have success. Marie Curie lived with his husband in a complete poverty. They dedicated the majority of their time to experiments. After great efforts and diligent work they achieved their goal and unraveled the concept of radioactivity. However, the conducted experiments had a detrimental influence on their health because they greatly dealt with uranium. And this was the reason of their early death from cancer.
Michael Corleone is another person who exemplifies an unequivocal devotion to his family principals and values. Michael Corleone was the son of Vito Corleone, the chief mafia leader of the New York city who had a profound control over the gambling and oil business. After his death his son Michael Corleone took his place. Although, Michael had completely different plans for his future life and career, he acquiesced to his fate and led an opposite lifestyle. He sacrificed the happiness of his family and children only for the fulfilment of his father's wishes. So, by sacrificing his proper lifestyle he succeeded in the fulfillment of his father's wishes.
And finally, my personal lifestyle is an example that illustrates a sacrifice for the sake of success. When I was in high school I always participated in physics Olympiads and had a goal: to win a medal in the International Physics Olympiad. In order to achieve my goal I sacrificed a lot of thing. I sacrificed with the relationships with my friends as I didn't have enough time to communicate with them. I sacrificed with my health as I stopped attending regular tennis training. Moreover, I became sequestered from my family members. And only due to this aspects I was able to win a medal in IPhO, which have given me a lot of new opportunities in life ever since.
A sacrifice may affect adversely on your family, life and health. Only people with a strong will can commit such an act by realizing the possible consequences. But as we see from the examples of Mario Curie, Michael Corleone and me, sacrifices indeed help us succeed in our goals. They show that a reasonable sacrifice is sometimes a requisite of success.
Hi!
Can you please grade this essay in 6 point scale?
thanks a lot!!!
Every valuable achievement and progress necessitates a sacrifice. Marie Curie can be seen as a perfect example of person who sacrificed her health and lifestyle in order to make a contribution in science. Michael Corleone, one of the main heroes of Mario Puzo's novel "Godfather", is another example of a person who sacrificed his life, even his family for the maintenance of his family's values and position. And finally, an example from my experience from Olympiads clearly demonstrates a sacrifice for the sake of progress.
Marie Curie, a prominent scientist, Nobel Prize laureate and the founder of the radioactivity theory is one of the best examples that illustrates how a person can sacrifice his health and lots of other values in order to have success. Marie Curie lived with his husband in a complete poverty. They dedicated the majority of their time to experiments. After great efforts and diligent work they achieved their goal and unraveled the concept of radioactivity. However, the conducted experiments had a detrimental influence on their health because they greatly dealt with uranium. And this was the reason of their early death from cancer.
Michael Corleone is another person who exemplifies an unequivocal devotion to his family principals and values. Michael Corleone was the son of Vito Corleone, the chief mafia leader of the New York city who had a profound control over the gambling and oil business. After his death his son Michael Corleone took his place. Although, Michael had completely different plans for his future life and career, he acquiesced to his fate and led an opposite lifestyle. He sacrificed the happiness of his family and children only for the fulfilment of his father's wishes. So, by sacrificing his proper lifestyle he succeeded in the fulfillment of his father's wishes.
And finally, my personal lifestyle is an example that illustrates a sacrifice for the sake of success. When I was in high school I always participated in physics Olympiads and had a goal: to win a medal in the International Physics Olympiad. In order to achieve my goal I sacrificed a lot of thing. I sacrificed with the relationships with my friends as I didn't have enough time to communicate with them. I sacrificed with my health as I stopped attending regular tennis training. Moreover, I became sequestered from my family members. And only due to this aspects I was able to win a medal in IPhO, which have given me a lot of new opportunities in life ever since.
A sacrifice may affect adversely on your family, life and health. Only people with a strong will can commit such an act by realizing the possible consequences. But as we see from the examples of Mario Curie, Michael Corleone and me, sacrifices indeed help us succeed in our goals. They show that a reasonable sacrifice is sometimes a requisite of success.
