Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Faradiah
Joined: Nov 18, 2010
Last Post: Dec 7, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  
From: Kenya

Displayed posts: 7
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Faradiah   
Dec 7, 2010
Undergraduate / "Swimming has taught me to enjoy success" - Common app. short answer [4]

Hi people!
Please look through my essay. Be as critical as you can if necessary, I don't mind it. Any additions, subtractions or ideas are welcome. Please tell me if 178 words is too much. Thanks!

"Last one in the pool is a rotten banana!" I shout as we walk across the school field. We break into a run towards the pool, change and before you know it we are all in the pool shrieking with laughter. I feel the day's burdens slowly seep off my body. They say, 'water cleanses'. Well, that's exactly what swimming does for me. It is where I offload my day's troubles and stress. It is my dumping area, where I cool off. It is where I get cleansed.

Swimming has taught me how to take delight in little successes such as improving my speed by just a second. It has given me endurance and perseverance as I push myself to beat my initial time. My teammates and I have grown to become close friends, even confidants, as we challenge and encourage each other to become better. This is not only in swimming but in everything else that we do. Swimming has helped me develop self-discipline. It continues to help me in my mission to become a better person.
Faradiah   
Nov 20, 2010
Research Papers / Research question: how a research paper should look like? [10]

It's a research question that my history teacher gave us as part of our end of year exam. We are meant to describe how we would gather information to answer it. It's meant to be about a page long.
Faradiah   
Nov 19, 2010
Undergraduate / "In the face of death" - Common App: an experience and how its affected your lfie [8]

Kwanza, you sound so INSENSITIVE, especially the description on how the kids eat, or is it feed? You also sound like you're trying to showoff your English instead of communicating.

On a brighter note, I think you have a really nice story and I would like to believe you are a better person than your essay portrays you to be. So please, tafadhali, change the tone of your essay because it determines the attitude of the reader towards your essay and towards you.

All the BEST.
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