Pumpkyn
Dec 6, 2010
Research Papers / Writing a thesis statement and an outline about soil erosion [4]
thank you for your great insight, i needed it
thank you for your great insight, i needed it
Pumpkyn
Nov 29, 2010
Writing Feedback / The importance of students' sports activities [3]
hello Whitney,
i read your entry and its a good enough but I have a few pointers for you.
introduction:
1. when writing anything always assume that your audience has little knowledge about the topic, therefore 'as we all know' should be revised.
2. maybe you could name some sport activities and give a brief description about them.
3. you did not answer the question, whether you agree or disagree with the topic so your readers do not know your point of view it is implied.
4. you are contradicting yourself in the second and last sentences, first you say that they should ensure students have a balance and in the same breath you say sports activities need more money.
paragraph one:
i think you should use some statistics to support you opinion in order to validate your claim.
paragraph two:
1. you are repetitive.
2. your first and second sentences end prematurely.
hello Whitney,
i read your entry and its a good enough but I have a few pointers for you.
introduction:
1. when writing anything always assume that your audience has little knowledge about the topic, therefore 'as we all know' should be revised.
2. maybe you could name some sport activities and give a brief description about them.
3. you did not answer the question, whether you agree or disagree with the topic so your readers do not know your point of view it is implied.
4. you are contradicting yourself in the second and last sentences, first you say that they should ensure students have a balance and in the same breath you say sports activities need more money.
paragraph one:
i think you should use some statistics to support you opinion in order to validate your claim.
paragraph two:
1. you are repetitive.
2. your first and second sentences end prematurely.
Pumpkyn
Nov 29, 2010
Research Papers / Writing a thesis statement and an outline about soil erosion [4]
Hello,
I am writing an expository essay for English for academic purposes about soil erosion and I must begin with a thesis statement and an outline. Please review and say whether I am on the right track, thanks.
Thesis Statement:
Soil erosion is a slow process, which continues to persist in the Caribbean because of the different agents such as, water, wind and tillage.
Topic: Water
Topic sentence
First, in the Caribbean, soil erosion by water is due to direct and indirect factors that detaches and transports vulnerable soil.
Topic: Wind
Topic sentence
Secondly, soil erosion by wind in the Caribbean occurs, because of various aspects that enable very fine particles to be lifted and moved great distances.
Topic: Tillage
Topic sentence
Lastly, soil erosion by tillage creates poor agricultural soil for crop production because of exposed and eroded subsoil.
Hello,
I am writing an expository essay for English for academic purposes about soil erosion and I must begin with a thesis statement and an outline. Please review and say whether I am on the right track, thanks.
Thesis Statement:
Soil erosion is a slow process, which continues to persist in the Caribbean because of the different agents such as, water, wind and tillage.
Topic: Water
Topic sentence
First, in the Caribbean, soil erosion by water is due to direct and indirect factors that detaches and transports vulnerable soil.
Topic: Wind
Topic sentence
Secondly, soil erosion by wind in the Caribbean occurs, because of various aspects that enable very fine particles to be lifted and moved great distances.
Topic: Tillage
Topic sentence
Lastly, soil erosion by tillage creates poor agricultural soil for crop production because of exposed and eroded subsoil.
