Undergraduate / "Challenges that have shaped me into an indvidual" NYU, Common App [3]

This is the first draft of my college essay. I've wrote about 7 different essay already. I'm not thrilled with my essay but I need to send my college apps in ASAP, please give me any suggestions you can (I'd rather you be harsh then sugar coated) Thank You!

Life consists of hardship, challenges, and achievements. These factors uniquely shape each individual. Throughout my life I have faced more hardship then a majority of my peers. At the same time the achievements I have made are endless and will never cease in the future. The challenges that I have endured and overcame have shaped me into a well-rounded, persevering, ambitious individual, who refuses to fail, because of my keen desire to succeed.

Looking back on my childhood I now realize how I was forced to mature faster then the average child. Growing up I lived with my mother, a single parent who suffered from severe Bipolar Disorder. I watched my mother go through periods inconsistency in moods and actions. Suffering from a mental disorder hindered my mothers ability to act as a normal parent, leaving a majority of motherly responsibilities on me. Having a mother who suffers from a mental disorder made it my obligation to take on a role as a 'junior mom". Cooking, cleaning, and taking care of my siblings were part of my normal routine.

On top of the responsibilities I held at home I was responsible to do well academically. My mother had high expectations of me, she was not satisfied with any grades less then ninety, and she always pushed me to do better. She made sure I was always in top performance classes, because she believed the only way to a better life was through school. As a student and and family asset I had little time to do normal child activities. My social life was extremely limited, and for this reason I began to resent my mother. The resentment I had toward my mother caused constant fighting. For years we could not stand being in each others presence, although she still relied on me for help with the house and with my sisters.

She continued to fight a mental disorder which prevented anyone in my family from leading a normal life. She was rarely ever stable and monthly visits to the hospital were normal. After a particular visit to the hospital doctors informed my mother that a mental disorder was not the only thing she was fighting. She was diagnosed with breast cancer. Within the next week her battle against cancer began. This was the first situation where I had no control or could not assist my mother in any way. Physically her body was torn apart and this was mentally scarring. Emotionally my mother and I grew stronger and we helped each other overcome the feeling of hopelessness that we each suffered from.

Having a mother a mother who is mentally and physically sick is definitely a challenge. It has forced me to hold more responsibilities then average students, but it has also shaped me into a more responsible, caring individual. My priorities are very different from the average teenager. My future is my main concern and I am dedicated to one day becoming successful, and creating a better life for myself and my family.