TechniColors
Nov 20, 2010
Undergraduate / My goal, my Journey, my life? -- PSU personal statement [2]
I need some help with grammar and sentence fluency. I think some of my thoughts don't connect or relate to one another. Any suggestions/corrections are very much appreciated!
Prompt: Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or academic records. We suggest a limit of 500 words or fewer.
I see life as journey that counts for the paths you take and the struggle to get to your goal, rather than the goal itself. The goal should only be the destination, not what counts the most. The journey is important because it is how to discover what's important to you, what you love to do, and what you enjoy in life. In life, there are going to be many choices, each of which are different and are chosen by different people. These choices in life are what defines a person, what makes them a unique individual because these choices are all different paths.
When I was younger I was constantly bullied for being shy and quiet. When I entered high school, the bullying had affected me so much that I was out of my comfort zone when people talked to me. As the first few months of high school went by, I found friends that were always there for me. Although I have met so many amazing people, there was someone in particular that made me strive for something more. This person was the one that pushed me to talk and be more open about myself. The one person who was always there to encourage me. The reason why I ended up trusting people is because he was always there for me to depend on. This person was the reason why I discovered a part of myself. He pushed me to try new things and to never let my fears take control.
Through this summer I have found a small interest in photography. Photography is especially important because part of my journey is to discover parts of myself. Even though I know relatively little about photography, there's just something about it that take my breath away and make me feel at ease. When I pick up a camera it takes me into my own world where I cannot be disturbed. These pictures reflect how I see the world, what I feel. I know every person sees the world in a different way, but I want to make it so that there is a way for every person to see the world in a positive light. I want to show people that I can be a person they can depend on. I especially want to show my friends this because I owe so much to them for making me see the world in a more positive way.
I am still in the process of discovering myself because this journey is not over until I have achieved my goal. I do not know specifically what I want as a career, but do I know it will be in the science field because it is what appeals to me. For years, I have been asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and I've realized the answers I gave always remained in the science field.
I need some help with grammar and sentence fluency. I think some of my thoughts don't connect or relate to one another. Any suggestions/corrections are very much appreciated!
Prompt: Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or academic records. We suggest a limit of 500 words or fewer.
I see life as journey that counts for the paths you take and the struggle to get to your goal, rather than the goal itself. The goal should only be the destination, not what counts the most. The journey is important because it is how to discover what's important to you, what you love to do, and what you enjoy in life. In life, there are going to be many choices, each of which are different and are chosen by different people. These choices in life are what defines a person, what makes them a unique individual because these choices are all different paths.
When I was younger I was constantly bullied for being shy and quiet. When I entered high school, the bullying had affected me so much that I was out of my comfort zone when people talked to me. As the first few months of high school went by, I found friends that were always there for me. Although I have met so many amazing people, there was someone in particular that made me strive for something more. This person was the one that pushed me to talk and be more open about myself. The one person who was always there to encourage me. The reason why I ended up trusting people is because he was always there for me to depend on. This person was the reason why I discovered a part of myself. He pushed me to try new things and to never let my fears take control.
Through this summer I have found a small interest in photography. Photography is especially important because part of my journey is to discover parts of myself. Even though I know relatively little about photography, there's just something about it that take my breath away and make me feel at ease. When I pick up a camera it takes me into my own world where I cannot be disturbed. These pictures reflect how I see the world, what I feel. I know every person sees the world in a different way, but I want to make it so that there is a way for every person to see the world in a positive light. I want to show people that I can be a person they can depend on. I especially want to show my friends this because I owe so much to them for making me see the world in a more positive way.
I am still in the process of discovering myself because this journey is not over until I have achieved my goal. I do not know specifically what I want as a career, but do I know it will be in the science field because it is what appeals to me. For years, I have been asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and I've realized the answers I gave always remained in the science field.