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Posts by soccer26
Joined: Nov 21, 2010
Last Post: Nov 23, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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soccer26   
Nov 23, 2010
Undergraduate / "He struggles with reading and writing" - Common app- Personal issue about brother [2]

"Discuss some issue of personal, local, national or international concern and its importance to you"

Please share any and every suggestion that comes to mind and please help with a powerful closing sentence. Thank you so much in advance :)

He sits in his room flipping page after page of the short novel. After he has finished a chapter or so, he turns to a sheet of study questions pertaining to what he has just read. Soon, it becomes evident that he failed to comprehend the section of the story, leaving many questions blank or answering them incorrectly. He was reading the novel Number the Stars by Lois Lowry, a common book choice for fifth grade students. However, he is a freshman in high school. My brother, Ryan, is fifteen years old and has the reading level of an eleven year old.

Not only does he struggle with reading, but he also struggles with writing. He is still unable to properly write a formal essay. Year after year he fails the state mandated testing, because he cannot understand the reading passage and he cannot write the timed essay. It has become quite evident that Ryan's teachers cannot give him the help he requires due to his language based learning disability. It is unfortunate that the school system has to focus on ways to save money, due to the statewide budget cuts, rather than provide Ryan with the assistance he needs.

I constantly worry if Ryan will be able to handle college level work or if he will even go to college. My parents, who do not obtain four year degrees, have taught my brother and me to value education. They have been turned away from many job opportunities when their prospective employer learned that they did not have Bachelors degrees. Due to their lack of education, they were forced to work in factories and faced multiple lay-offs. My parents constantly note how much easier and more enjoyable life is when you have a well-paying, secure job that you received because you obtain that coveted, four year degree. I've come to realize the power of education. I know that I must attend college so that I can attain a comfortable lifestyle. However, I'm worried that my brother won't be able to do the same.

In order to increase Ryan's chances of attending college, I frequently offered to help him with his homework. Yet, he always declined. He felt embarrassed that he was having difficulties with the work in, what should have been, easy classes. When report cards would arrive home, he would look at his with dismay when he found that he received C's and D's in the lowest level classes. He would then ask to see how I did. Needless to say, comparing his C's and D's to my A's and B's did not boost his morale. He was reluctant to let me see him struggle with his work, while knowing that I was succeeding with mine.

Since Ryan preferred to have my mom assist him, I decided to reach out and help other students. From watching my brother, I was able to understand how frustrating it is to struggle in school and not receive the help that you need. I was confident that I could work well with other students because I had the patience to explain things slowly and in different ways; skills I learned from watching my mom help my brother. During my sophomore year, I was selected to participate in the peer tutoring program through school and tutored an eighth grader in Spanish. Later, during my senior year, I began tutoring a sophomore in Geometry and Spanish. With my help, these students saw their grades go from low C's to high B's. It was very rewarding to make a difference in the lives of others and help them in a way that I couldn't help my brother.

Although it was gratifying to help average students, I really wanted to help those who needed it the most; the disabled. During the summer of my sophomore year, I volunteered at a day camp for disabled people of all ages. Every day, I was assigned a different camper to look after. Their ages ranged from five to twenty-five and their disabilities ranged from mild autism to severe mental retardation. It was a long and tiring six hours a day, but it was most definitely worthwhile. Seeing the campers smile and feeling their warm embraces proved to me that I was truly changing their lives for the better. Having these opportunities to help others in need ...( still working on a powerful final sentence).
soccer26   
Nov 22, 2010
Undergraduate / my significant dilemma i faced. a death of a boyfriend. [4]

I never thought in a million years that I would lose the one who I love unconditionally, then again nobody does.- your stating that no one thinks about it not asking

It was a warm summer night and the stars were shining brighter than ever.

He always made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world by constantly complimenting me.

I remember he was wearing a blue Angels hat that night. don't need to state that its significant, its better foreshadowing if you don't give it away

He drove off and I turned back around to talk to my friends. Suddenly, I heard a loud bang.

I got out of the car and saw him laying on the ground with many policemen surrounding him.

**This is a strong essay about an unfortunate loss, but I think that colleges are mainly looking to see how this event changed you. Build more on how you used to take life for granted and now you live everyday like its your last.
soccer26   
Nov 22, 2010
Undergraduate / "diagnosed with ADHD": An experience that is important to me [4]

My mom and I constantly argue over trivial things like my inability to remember to put the cap on the milk jug or close the pantry door.

I began to notice that I wasn't able to sit through class without mindlessly scribbling in the margins of my papers. I soon found that the information projected towards me would go in one ear and out the other.

Finally, the reason why I never closed the pantry door was answered;

In the middle of second semester junior year, I had a D in American Studies. Yet, once I began the medicine prescribed by my doctor, my grade increased dramatically.

Seeing my grades and overall attentiveness increase tremendously has made me strive to reach my maximum potential every single day.

This newly discovered potential has motivated me to prepare for my future, fueled my creativity and most importantly defined me.- I don't really understand what your trying to say here. I feel like the ceativity thing kinda came out of nowhere. Maybe something more along the lines of now that you have been diagnosed, you can focus more on school and your future as opposed to wondering why you act the way you do.
soccer26   
Nov 22, 2010
Undergraduate / "just realize how important education is" - Issue of Importance [2]

I have lived in poverty for most of my life. It has just been my mother and me, since my dad left early on and hasn't done much with his life. I have had to move from school to school, and city to city, because my mother never really had a good education, only her GED, so we never really had a nice or steady place to live. (explain that her lack of education led to unstable, low paying jobs which caused you to have to move a lot) It was really hard, but I never let any of it get me down, because I am always optimistic and focused on what lies ahead. I know I have a bright future ahead of me.

To just think about all the people that have dropped out of high school and to know they know what they set themselves up for is so sad. = Awkward... maybe "It saddens me to think about all the people that gave up and dropped out of school". I thought I had a tough life, growing up, and my mom at least had a GED. I can't imagine how hard it must be for those whose parents don't even have that.

Don't need to mention that you've recently moved out of poverty- doesn't flow with the rest
soccer26   
Nov 21, 2010
Undergraduate / "The school failed my brother" - Tips for common app essay about issue? [2]

"Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you."

Rough Essay Outline- Personal Issue- My brother and how I believe the school has failed him seeing as he is a frosh and has a fifth grade reading level...

My parents don't have 4 year degrees- dad worked in factories for a while, mom is unemployed and having difficulty finding a new job without a bachelors- taught me to value/pursue education- don't want to see brother not attend college and live tough life like parents

Brother won't let me help him- he's embarrassed, because i do well in advanced classes and he does poorly in special ed classes, so I peer tutor other kids and volunteer at a camp for disabled people of all ages

Good topic? Tips on writing about this topic? Tips on writing this type of essay in general?

Thanks in advance :)
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