Writing Feedback / "Stop working for child?" IELTS essay [2]

This is my ielts essay exercise work, please give me some advise or critisism in regards to both grammar or content :))))))

Task 2:
For couples preparing to have a child, the mother or the father should stop working to look after the child. What's your opinion?

Working mothers are now the rule rather than the exception even in developed countries like USA. So should one the the parents better off stop working and take care of the child? I say, yes for the child's benefit, no for parents' own career satisfaction or family income.

Obviously, it's most beneficial for the child if one of the parents stop working and spend more time with them, especially for younger kids, it's important to develop intimate connection with parents. With more and more kids are being looked after by people other than their parents, issues of children developed by lacking parents' attention have raised public concern more than ever. It's known that personality disorder like jealousy, anti-social, self-centre all have connection with lacking of proper education and attention from parents. In addition, by stop working parents should be able to focus on children's education better.

On the other hand, parents as individual may have their own career ambitions or demonds for more family income. Most of people would have dreams like being a CEO, being a scientist etc when they were young. It's nothing wrong to pursue their dreams even when they have kids. Besides that a lot of families, especially in developing countries, most of them are not able to meet the demand of family expenses if only one of the couple is working. Also the unbalance of responsibilities of household work may endanger the couple's relationship as one of them may be resentful for doing most of family work.

In summary, I think both of parents shouldn't be stopped working if they want. But at the first or first few years after child born, it's better off for one of them to stop working just to take care of child as well as develop parent-child relationship better.