Writing Feedback / An important skill for a person in the world today (using a computer)? [4]

hello everybody,

here is my practice of toefl essay. i 'd appreciate any comments and suggestions.
Thanks a lot.

the subject is What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to be successful in the world today? Choose one skill and use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Nowadays we are living in a technological world, which is opened to be developed. In my opinion the most important gadget in recent days is computer.Thus the most significant skill for a person is using professionally and deeply computer. Computer usage is like an obligation for several people.

First of all, several people work with computers, not only computer engineers but also bankers and secretaries. You can make too much things in the computer easier than classic methods. For example, a banker pratically manage his/her customer' accounts on the computer screen. A secretary could write down weekly reports and send via e-mail to her/his boss.

Secondly, people can provide their needs from computer because of the internet, which brings the whole world to your door. For instance, people could easily do online shopping while they are sitting among the computer. Thus, a computer makes spare time to other things suc as enjoying, making sports, getting interested in what they want, in order to waste their value time to shopping from grocers, butchers.

Finally, as a social meaning computer gives to the person an amazing area. We can send visual present to our friends to celebrate their birthdays. Moreover, we can chat with people all over the world. And, one of my friend married with a girl, who met from a social network.. Another social network, called as Facebook, is being used by millions of people all around the world. These examples reflects the importance of computer usage.

In the sum up,i strongly belive that learning how to use computer is the most essential proficiency in our current life.