Unanswered [16] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by hoangdaochu
Joined: Nov 30, 2010
Last Post: Dec 2, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  

From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 2
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
hoangdaochu   
Dec 2, 2010
Undergraduate / Commonapp-How a trivial jealousy led to an epiphany on expectations in life [9]

The ability of your wording amazed me.

However, I'm not sure that I grasp the main idea of your writing. Should the title be: How jealousy stretch myself/someone; or How did I become so interested in literature and arts; or Jealousy and Settlement - two of a kind...?

- You did opened nicely about the notion of jealousy, but I'm not completely convinced with the settlement thing idea

- The 2nd-to-last paragraph is a dilution to me.
hoangdaochu   
Nov 30, 2010
Writing Feedback / Importance of working conditions? Focus on products or working conditions? [3]

Topic: Enormous effort is put into researching and marketing 'the perfect potato crisp
while research into stress at work, for example, is ignored
How important are staff working conditions? Should employers research and improve the working conditions of their staff or should they concentrate more on their product?


In nowaday competitive market, the quality of product is essential to a business's success. For that matter, enormous effort is paid into researching and marketing, in order to cut down the costs and maximize profit. As the matter of fact, in many businesses, such significant part of investment is concentrated on products that employee's working conditions are somehow overlooked. Is sole focus on goods and services enough for success? Or do employees' benefit derserve more attention? This essay will attempt to answer those.

On one side, those who support virtually full investment on researching and marketing would argue that business is all about making profit. Research would lower cost. Marketing is to help increase turnover. Noone would disagree that low cost and high revenue will result in maximized profit. Besides, with adequate attention paid to products, the quality of commodities is ensured. Company's image, in turn, is polished.

On the other hand, many people, including myself, are for a bigger share of input into improving staff's working conditions. Firstly, employees would not be able to fully concentrate on their works if they had to work with a residential fear of work accidents. Secondly, with reasonable rewards for their performance, specifically, high salary, the company will prevent potential loss of experience labor. The maintain of experienced and talent workforce would in turn warrant long-term success.

In summary, it is my opinion that a company should acquire a reasonable proportion of money to spend on researching and marketing activities and on improving employees' working conditions. In fact, advance theorists have been referring the labor as one of the most important factors for businesses orienting sustainable development.

----------------

Please help me to give feedbacks (highly appreciate those specifying on grammar, structure, wordings.. or any other aspects that matter)!!
I am aiming Ielts band 7.0 - it might still be far to go, somehow i've got to give it a try.
If you have the same target or similar interests, I would be very glad to have discussions with. If you are experienced Ielts taker with high band, I would welcome any critisism. Thanks !!!!!
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳