speranza
Dec 4, 2010
Undergraduate / Gay Rights and Why I want to attend- Vesalius College [12]
Sorry for intruding in on your thread but I have to say something. Don't rely on wooleyj for help on your essay. They apparently don't even know how to write their own considering the fact that he/she STOLE my supplements for NYU. I'm very upset. Stealing someone else's format and words directly and substituting in a few of your own words IS PLAGARISM! I'd be cautious about posting you essays on this website if I were you because there are people like wooleyj would go around stealing other's work. Finding out that your work has been stolen is probably of the most infuriating things ever. I just found about an hour ago and I'm fuming! I can't believe people are pathetic enough to have the nerve to steal in order to get admission. If they aren't creative and original to write their own essay, they definitely don't deserve, and aren't capable, of being a student at NYU.
YOUR SHORTANSWERS WOOLEYJ!!! More like MY SHORT ANSWERS!!!
On the side note. I actually like your second essay more than the first one because it tells me something about you. In the conclusion however, you use "it" and "I" a lot. Try to rewrite those sentences to eliminate the problem and make the last sentence stronger to leave a lasting impression.
Your first essay states a lot of facts that admissions officers more than likely already know. Also take out the references to the Bible because discussion of religion is very controversial and risky to write about. You mentioned having an openly gay best friend (I do too :)). Try elaborating more on that. Mention an encounter you had when something happened to your friend (such as being called a "faggot") and talk about how it impacted you. You've gotten off on a good start though :)
Good luck, but be CAREFUL
Sorry for intruding in on your thread but I have to say something. Don't rely on wooleyj for help on your essay. They apparently don't even know how to write their own considering the fact that he/she STOLE my supplements for NYU. I'm very upset. Stealing someone else's format and words directly and substituting in a few of your own words IS PLAGARISM! I'd be cautious about posting you essays on this website if I were you because there are people like wooleyj would go around stealing other's work. Finding out that your work has been stolen is probably of the most infuriating things ever. I just found about an hour ago and I'm fuming! I can't believe people are pathetic enough to have the nerve to steal in order to get admission. If they aren't creative and original to write their own essay, they definitely don't deserve, and aren't capable, of being a student at NYU.
Thanx SO much for critiquing my short essays!!
YOUR SHORTANSWERS WOOLEYJ!!! More like MY SHORT ANSWERS!!!
On the side note. I actually like your second essay more than the first one because it tells me something about you. In the conclusion however, you use "it" and "I" a lot. Try to rewrite those sentences to eliminate the problem and make the last sentence stronger to leave a lasting impression.
Your first essay states a lot of facts that admissions officers more than likely already know. Also take out the references to the Bible because discussion of religion is very controversial and risky to write about. You mentioned having an openly gay best friend (I do too :)). Try elaborating more on that. Mention an encounter you had when something happened to your friend (such as being called a "faggot") and talk about how it impacted you. You've gotten off on a good start though :)
Good luck, but be CAREFUL
