Undergraduate / "Diversity, Buckeye, education and nightlife" - Why Ohio State? [6]

But the reason you should be interested in attending the university, is because you feel you have something to contribute.

Example:
I desire to go to Ohio State because I wish to be part of a collective pool of intellectuals, innovators, designers, and world-changers. By integrating my background with the diverse community Ohio State attracts, I feel that I can prominently assist both myself and my peers to building an even stronger community, with a focus on building a better tomorrow for communities everywhere.

^ In that statement, the first sentence explains why you want to go to Ohio State, the following sentences explain how them accepting you will better their own pool of applicants, and the larger outcome that will benefit both yourself and the community if you attend the university.

You then could go on to explain briefly, some specific academic/extracurricular programs that attract you to OSU.

Hope that clears things up a bit!

Undergraduate / "Diversity, Buckeye, education and nightlife" - Why Ohio State? [6]

I am interested in The Ohio State University for reasons beyond the obvious.that it is prestigious and is ranked 56th on the world(<- If you're basing the 56th ranking off the US News and World Report college rankings, know that is 56th in the US, not world. I would cut it) . Ohio State has several unique qualities that attract me and I have yet to find another university that captivates me the way Ohio State does.

Diversity to me has always been quite an important issue as I come from a school with over 50 different nationalities . I have grown up with friends from various countries: American, Arabic, Slovenian, Indian and English (These aren't countries, these are languages) . I was pleased to know that Ohio State adopted the Diversity Action Plan in 2001 to increase diversity among students as well as staff and that it is also trying to reduce the gap between the number of majority and minority graduates.

As I am an international student, and I will be moving far away from home and my parents , I was hoping to be close to my relatives who live in Toledo. By being only three hours away from relatives, I can independently grow and develop and yet still be close enough to the warmth of a family.

Diversity, Buckeye, an outstanding education and an exciting nightlife all in one place close enough to home, what more can I need? What more can anyone need? I believe that Ohio State teaches you to successfully balance your social life as well as studies and that is how I want to spend the next four years of my life. I also believe that Ohio State will help me reach my fullest potential and set me off on the right track to the long and competitive medical career I hope to pursue.

--------------------------------------

While your essay paints a good picture of your personal characteristics, it's lacking any definition of what you plan on contributing to the university community. You should nix the parts where you talk about living close to relatives in Toledo, and maybe even the Diversity Action Plan, as they don't really give any gauge to what contributions you plan on making as a scholar. Instead talk about what you hope to learn in your chosen major, and how your own cultural diversity will be used to assist the OSU community. You also talk about unique qualities that the university has, but do not list these actual qualities. Try and keep them on something involving programs at the actual university.

Hope this helps, as a current Ohio State student now in my last year, I wish you the best!

GO BUCKS!