darlene63
Dec 8, 2010
Undergraduate / "the weekend camping with grandfather" - William&Mary optional essay help. [4]
I agree with Mio on this Danielle. Maybe you could elaborate on what character traits that you have that made or initiated your actions or thoughts in the events that took place during the weekend. This would possibly give more depth to your uniqueness and 'color'. I hope that makes sense.
"Sleep dangled above my head, taunting me, and every time I was about to reach it; some new animal would add his sound to the night song." I am thinking there should be a coma in place of the semicolon, "Use a semicolon in place of a period to separate two sentences where the conjunction has been left out." (grammar book/punctuation/semicolons.asp)
"...on the Delaware River My grandfather pulled his...", I believe you intended to insert a period between the two sentences. Sometimes spell/grammar check doesn't pick up on everything.
Otherwise, as far as the story goes I really enjoyed how you turned the weekend around. This will truly be a time that you and your Grandfather will remember as a special turning point in your relationship. Thanks for sharing this. Good Luck!
I agree with Mio on this Danielle. Maybe you could elaborate on what character traits that you have that made or initiated your actions or thoughts in the events that took place during the weekend. This would possibly give more depth to your uniqueness and 'color'. I hope that makes sense.
"Sleep dangled above my head, taunting me, and every time I was about to reach it; some new animal would add his sound to the night song." I am thinking there should be a coma in place of the semicolon, "Use a semicolon in place of a period to separate two sentences where the conjunction has been left out." (grammar book/punctuation/semicolons.asp)
"...on the Delaware River My grandfather pulled his...", I believe you intended to insert a period between the two sentences. Sometimes spell/grammar check doesn't pick up on everything.
Otherwise, as far as the story goes I really enjoyed how you turned the weekend around. This will truly be a time that you and your Grandfather will remember as a special turning point in your relationship. Thanks for sharing this. Good Luck!
