Undergraduate / Why; person of your dream; work experience; mission - Why Syracuse University. [5]

Hi Narothnee,

Please review the comments and perpectives I have forwarded to the Rutgers girl. I think you have some very good ideas but your essay needs to be more organized to make it appealling to the hiring committee. Remember that your are in a competition!! Only the bright and the brightest are retained. The question is how do you market yourself to differenciate you from the pack?.

My first observation in reading your essay is the lack of connecting words? They make your thoughts more coherent and tjeu allow the readers to follow through your ideas from the start to the finish.

Please talk to your English teacher about thesis statement and connecting words?

Best of Luck!!!

Undergraduate / Acceptance of a small town girl going to a university [5]

Rutgers and Small town girl

Actually it is a good draft as a starter. As you have requested advice and perspectives from your the contributors of this forum, I would like to lay out some to help you improve your draft.

1.Which program (s) that appeals to you and why?

2.What do you think is lacking in your Catholic/Christian education that Rutgers would supplement?

3.What do you think that program will bring to your long-term goal?

4.And what would you bring (special talent, interest, experience, etc.) to the program (s) in which you are interested?

Actually, Narothnee has produced a somewhat good essay. Although it seems to me she was lost in her thoughts. Her essay lacked coherence and cohesion.

Please review your essay in taking into account these questions!!!!

Good Luck!