MrOrange
Jan 10, 2011
MrOrange
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / Common application - "my passion for economics" (topic 6) [5]
Thank you! someone else?
Thank you! someone else?
MrOrange
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "intellectual adventure" - COLORADO- Latin Essay [2]
In addition to what was said above,
1. I think you should start a new paragraph from "Students will be Romans by dressing, eating, and celebratingthe different customs of the ancient Romans."
2. Each week they will learn how to make a new dish: a traditional hors d'oeuvre the first week, the main course, known as the cena the second; and the final week they will make the dessert, known as the secundae mensae.
3. They will now be able to read texts by Roman and Greek writers, such asworkings from Vergil, Catullus, and Ovid.
4. They will translate and read texts by the authors, and also will analyze and hold a class discussion about why the authors had chosen to write about specific the characters went through specific challenges in the literature. - I would revise this sentence.
5. ...students willcelebrate their lastfinish the journey of becoming an official Roman citizens ...
In addition to what was said above,
1. I think you should start a new paragraph from "Students will be Romans by dressing, eating, and celebrating
2. Each week they will learn how to make a new dish: a traditional hors d'oeuvre the first week, the main course, known as the cena the second; and the final week they will make the dessert, known as the secundae mensae.
3. They will now be able to read texts by Roman and Greek writers, such as
4. They will translate and read texts by the authors, and also will analyze and hold a class discussion about why the authors had chosen to write about specific the characters went through specific challenges in the literature. - I would revise this sentence.
5. ...students will
MrOrange
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / Common application - "my passion for economics" (topic 6) [5]
Option #6. Topic of your choice.
My Passion for Economics. (I'll think about a better title)
I was fascinated by the world of business and economics for a long time now. So complex, but simultaneously so simple, it caught my attention as a child and still keeps it. Being a little boy, I first felt interested in the topic and was doing much to expend my knowledge of it ever since.
My parents, though not telling me about it, raised me to become a businessman. During the course of time, my dad has owed a warehouse, a small furniture shop, a perfumes retailing company, and now a furniture wholesale firm. At age of seven, I visited factories, warehouses and shops with my father, who wanted me to learn about the importance of hard work and give me "the flavor of entrepreneurship." I was also spending much time in the office with my mom, an accountant, watching mysterious operations, strange charts and papers I understood nothing in. Nevertheless, I liked all this. I asked a lot of questions and tried to understand how everything worked. My parents' plan has worked out: I became curious about business and economics, I still am.
My life went on, and it was time to select a high school major. Maybe "select" doesn't fully expresses the meaning here. Most high school students in Russia do not choose courses to attend, following universal curriculum. However, in some schools, special groups of major students can be created. Their curricula are broader, with some additional subjects and advanced study of others. I liked it, but in order such group to be created, we needed 20 students willing to major in economics. At that time there were only three, which made such group very unlikely. Coveting this major, I decided to take actions: I have convinced the school administration to reduce the quota to 15 and started talking other students into choosing this major. Turned out many of them actually liked the idea, but were hesitating or just didn't know about it. I helped many of them to make this decision. Finally, I have got what I wanted - now I was studying economics in school.
After several weeks of studying in economics, I have become the best in the class. That year I first won the regional competition in economics. Being a junior, I was even better than the seniors were. Soon, the school was not enough for me: I started reading a lot of textbooks, buying Financial Times, Wall Street Journal and Forbes. Rare representatives of the free press, they turned out to be much more interesting than I thought - I really liked them. I also found a great opportunity to broaden my knowledge in the free university lectures, available online on YouTube. I considered myself very good in economics, though I was never fully satisfied.
I have spent this summer combining self-education with the most responsible job in my life - an accountant at the family business. For the last few years, it was all right for me to help my parents here and there: call the dealer, send a fax, fill up a declaration - such things were common. But now it was different - my mother, a family business accountant, was offered a job with a better pay. We decided, it would be better to accept the offer and to hire someone else. I saw a great opportunity - it takes time to find a qualified specialist, and I needed a summer job. At first, my father hesitated, but I convinced him to agree. I got the job. I think it's time to say, what our firm was doing. We were buying furniture, delivering and installing it for large corporate orders. It is a business of pretty big turnover, I had to work with tens of thousands of dollar. That, of course, was making my job very responsible. For the first few weeks, it was extremely difficult: I knew some basics, but I had to rely on my mother a lot - after all, there is a reason people study accounting in college. However, after a month, my mother's help had dwindled to only checking the most important documents, and after two, I worked alone... and enjoyed it. My old interest stepped to the new level.
Half a year ago I decided, I must try stock trading. So, I went to my father and asked him to start a broker account. My target was valuable experience, not money. The markets were recovering, so I knew that it was a perfect time to start. I began in September with $500, I have earned during the summer. By November, it grew up to approximately $800, which is almost 25% a month. To say that I felt great is to say nothing: my target was not to lose too much, but a profit - I couldn't believe it! For myself, I was a financial wizard. I even started thinking of a stock trader as a possible career. I loved the stock market.
I have always felt interested in business and economics. This interest developed gradually: with every event described above, it shifted to a new level. I think the next step should logically be studying this sphere in college. Though the school, self-education and work experience gave me a lot, I believe I need the university to continue the studies of my beloved subjects.
Please help me improve it. It is 883 words long, so I think it should be cut. Please give me some advise on better introduction and conclusion. English is my second language, so, please, be critical about incorrect word use or awkward phrasing. Thank you in advance.
Option #6. Topic of your choice.
My Passion for Economics. (I'll think about a better title)
I was fascinated by the world of business and economics for a long time now. So complex, but simultaneously so simple, it caught my attention as a child and still keeps it. Being a little boy, I first felt interested in the topic and was doing much to expend my knowledge of it ever since.
My parents, though not telling me about it, raised me to become a businessman. During the course of time, my dad has owed a warehouse, a small furniture shop, a perfumes retailing company, and now a furniture wholesale firm. At age of seven, I visited factories, warehouses and shops with my father, who wanted me to learn about the importance of hard work and give me "the flavor of entrepreneurship." I was also spending much time in the office with my mom, an accountant, watching mysterious operations, strange charts and papers I understood nothing in. Nevertheless, I liked all this. I asked a lot of questions and tried to understand how everything worked. My parents' plan has worked out: I became curious about business and economics, I still am.
My life went on, and it was time to select a high school major. Maybe "select" doesn't fully expresses the meaning here. Most high school students in Russia do not choose courses to attend, following universal curriculum. However, in some schools, special groups of major students can be created. Their curricula are broader, with some additional subjects and advanced study of others. I liked it, but in order such group to be created, we needed 20 students willing to major in economics. At that time there were only three, which made such group very unlikely. Coveting this major, I decided to take actions: I have convinced the school administration to reduce the quota to 15 and started talking other students into choosing this major. Turned out many of them actually liked the idea, but were hesitating or just didn't know about it. I helped many of them to make this decision. Finally, I have got what I wanted - now I was studying economics in school.
After several weeks of studying in economics, I have become the best in the class. That year I first won the regional competition in economics. Being a junior, I was even better than the seniors were. Soon, the school was not enough for me: I started reading a lot of textbooks, buying Financial Times, Wall Street Journal and Forbes. Rare representatives of the free press, they turned out to be much more interesting than I thought - I really liked them. I also found a great opportunity to broaden my knowledge in the free university lectures, available online on YouTube. I considered myself very good in economics, though I was never fully satisfied.
I have spent this summer combining self-education with the most responsible job in my life - an accountant at the family business. For the last few years, it was all right for me to help my parents here and there: call the dealer, send a fax, fill up a declaration - such things were common. But now it was different - my mother, a family business accountant, was offered a job with a better pay. We decided, it would be better to accept the offer and to hire someone else. I saw a great opportunity - it takes time to find a qualified specialist, and I needed a summer job. At first, my father hesitated, but I convinced him to agree. I got the job. I think it's time to say, what our firm was doing. We were buying furniture, delivering and installing it for large corporate orders. It is a business of pretty big turnover, I had to work with tens of thousands of dollar. That, of course, was making my job very responsible. For the first few weeks, it was extremely difficult: I knew some basics, but I had to rely on my mother a lot - after all, there is a reason people study accounting in college. However, after a month, my mother's help had dwindled to only checking the most important documents, and after two, I worked alone... and enjoyed it. My old interest stepped to the new level.
Half a year ago I decided, I must try stock trading. So, I went to my father and asked him to start a broker account. My target was valuable experience, not money. The markets were recovering, so I knew that it was a perfect time to start. I began in September with $500, I have earned during the summer. By November, it grew up to approximately $800, which is almost 25% a month. To say that I felt great is to say nothing: my target was not to lose too much, but a profit - I couldn't believe it! For myself, I was a financial wizard. I even started thinking of a stock trader as a possible career. I loved the stock market.
I have always felt interested in business and economics. This interest developed gradually: with every event described above, it shifted to a new level. I think the next step should logically be studying this sphere in college. Though the school, self-education and work experience gave me a lot, I believe I need the university to continue the studies of my beloved subjects.
Please help me improve it. It is 883 words long, so I think it should be cut. Please give me some advise on better introduction and conclusion. English is my second language, so, please, be critical about incorrect word use or awkward phrasing. Thank you in advance.
