xQuestionsx
Dec 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "Thank You," was all the boy had said. - a significant experience [3]
Hello, I chose this topic for the common app and my essay came to around 470ish words? Can you please tell me what do you think of it and how I can improve on it? And also, any grammatical corrections would be appreciated. Thanks in advance!
"Thank You," was all the boy had said. However, these two words had made my friend and the boy's father stop abruptly. My friend was standing there with eyes wide and mouth hanging and the father looked like he was about to cry. I looked at both of them quite surprised, wondering why they had reacted this way.
My best friend and I had just came back from an amusement park. We were heading back to his apartment for dinner when we bumped into one of his neighbors. We stopped for small chat, asking the typical every day questions. The man was with his son who looked about eight years old. I noticed how the boy kept shifting uncomfortably and tugging at his father's sleeve, I reckoned he needed to go the bathroom. However, when his father didn't budge, he sighed and stopped with the tugging, I figured that he wanted to leave. His head hung low after that, until his eyes fell on the teddy bear that I held in my hand. I won the stuffed animal earlier at the amusement park and decided to give it to him - he would probably enjoy it more than I would.
After I handed him the teddy bear, that's when it all happened -- the whispered gratitude, the shocked faces, the hanging mouths, and the confusion. The father then looked at his son and back at me and did this for a couple of seconds until finally saying that his son has autism and hasn't spoken in months. Those were the first ones he had heard in over a year now.
I was astonished; now it was my turn to have my mouth hanging open. I couldn't believe my ears. Was this really true? All these questions went through my head and I just stared at the little boy more intriguingly.
I started to do some research on my own, on autism itself and on how the brain's structure and function relate to specific psychological processes and behaviors. I was really fascinated by what I was reading and wanted to further pursue my interests. I knew I could better enhance by knowledge if I actually observed someone with autism; so, as of that day, I have been visiting the boy and occasionally babysitting him. He has helped me grasp and understand the concept of autism more efficiently. I continue to enjoy my visits with him and help him adapt to the environment.
Ever since that moment, I have had my heart set on becoming a neuropsychologist. Being able to spend time with the boy has really helped me decide what kind of future I want to make for myself. Every time I go and spend time with the little boy, I am slowly preparing myself for my future and this makes me confident that I can achieve my dream.
Hello, I chose this topic for the common app and my essay came to around 470ish words? Can you please tell me what do you think of it and how I can improve on it? And also, any grammatical corrections would be appreciated. Thanks in advance!
"Thank You," was all the boy had said. However, these two words had made my friend and the boy's father stop abruptly. My friend was standing there with eyes wide and mouth hanging and the father looked like he was about to cry. I looked at both of them quite surprised, wondering why they had reacted this way.
My best friend and I had just came back from an amusement park. We were heading back to his apartment for dinner when we bumped into one of his neighbors. We stopped for small chat, asking the typical every day questions. The man was with his son who looked about eight years old. I noticed how the boy kept shifting uncomfortably and tugging at his father's sleeve, I reckoned he needed to go the bathroom. However, when his father didn't budge, he sighed and stopped with the tugging, I figured that he wanted to leave. His head hung low after that, until his eyes fell on the teddy bear that I held in my hand. I won the stuffed animal earlier at the amusement park and decided to give it to him - he would probably enjoy it more than I would.
After I handed him the teddy bear, that's when it all happened -- the whispered gratitude, the shocked faces, the hanging mouths, and the confusion. The father then looked at his son and back at me and did this for a couple of seconds until finally saying that his son has autism and hasn't spoken in months. Those were the first ones he had heard in over a year now.
I was astonished; now it was my turn to have my mouth hanging open. I couldn't believe my ears. Was this really true? All these questions went through my head and I just stared at the little boy more intriguingly.
I started to do some research on my own, on autism itself and on how the brain's structure and function relate to specific psychological processes and behaviors. I was really fascinated by what I was reading and wanted to further pursue my interests. I knew I could better enhance by knowledge if I actually observed someone with autism; so, as of that day, I have been visiting the boy and occasionally babysitting him. He has helped me grasp and understand the concept of autism more efficiently. I continue to enjoy my visits with him and help him adapt to the environment.
Ever since that moment, I have had my heart set on becoming a neuropsychologist. Being able to spend time with the boy has really helped me decide what kind of future I want to make for myself. Every time I go and spend time with the little boy, I am slowly preparing myself for my future and this makes me confident that I can achieve my dream.
