Posts by wesleyanna

wesleyanna

Dec 30, 2010

Undergraduate / "A Moment During Dance Class and the Importance of History" - Brown Supplement [9]

My Bharatanatyam teacher once asked ...
(This sentence feels awkwardly long to me. Also try ending with a word other than "was") .

The twisting of henna stained fingers(I like this change from adept fingers) , the rustling silks and golden jewelry, the throbbing beats of the Mridangam; ...

(You use a semi colon and colon in the same sentence. Although I don't believe this is grammatically incorrect, you might want to try breaking it down into two separate sentences by making the colon a period).

It still gives me pause("gives me pause" is a little awkward, although I understand what you're getting at) to imagine how long the hand of time and tradition extends into my life.

Origins, I've found, are far more telling than present day characteristics. (With the way you've written everything, I think you can come up with a more "wow" ending)

Hope that helps! Overall, I really like the way you answered the prompt without being too straightforward, and the writing is well done. Maybe if I had answered this creatively Brown wouldn't have rejected me for ED:P lol

wesleyanna

Dec 30, 2010

Undergraduate / Marketing + New lifestyles + God is the most important - NYU [6]

nritya: for the third prompt, is it the topic or the execution that should be reworked?

jz7: i was trying to express my fascination with religion. i've spent a lot of outside time visiting churches, doing research, and debating with friends in order to gain perspective on the subject. is there a way i could better present this idea without it confusing the AOs?

thanks to both of you! the suggestions really help

wesleyanna

Dec 30, 2010

Undergraduate / Marketing + New lifestyles + God is the most important - NYU [6]

I'm applying to NYU Stern for the fall 2011 semester and would like some insight on my short answers!(: Don't be afraid to be harsh, I want to make them as perfect as possible. I know the last one is short, but I can't think of anything to add without making it too fluffy or repetitive.

Also, I feel as if the first answer is a little dry. Is it ok to answer it so straightforwardly? Or will I end up sounding like just another applicant?

Thanks in advance for any help!

Please tell us what led you to select both your anticipated academic area(s) of study and the NYU school / college / program or the Abu Dhabi campus. What interests you most about your intended discipline? Mention any extracurricular or non-school-related activities or experiences that demonstrate your interest.

Marketing combines communication, creativity, and problem solving skills-three areas that I thoroughly enjoy. In order to sell a product, it's important to be able to analyze the given data and then map out a way to send a message to consumers through an innovative approach. I have practiced this process repeatedly through both paid and volunteer experience in graphic design. I have also served as chair of the marketing committees in Valley Youth Council, Community Resource Network, and San Ramon Student Ambassadors, as well as the publicity branch of student government.

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NYU is 'In and of the City' and 'In and of the World.' What does the concept of a global network university mean to you? How do you think studying in New York City, Abu Dhabi, or one of NYU's global sites would change you as a person and equip you to build cross-cultural relationships at NYU and beyond?

Danville could be mistaken for a scene in "The Stepford Wives". With its low crime rate, avid HOA, and large Caucasian demographic, it pales in contrast to NYC's diverse and invigorating climate. As someone who grew up in cities outside of such suburban culture (Atlanta and Philadelphia), I have found the atmosphere to be stifling. Living in an area like NYC would afford an opportunity to interact with new lifestyles. I believe that each person I meet enhances my education by adding a unique perspective. NYU, as a result of its location, serves as a magnet for such extraordinary individuals.

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If you had the opportunity to bring any person -- past or present, fictional or nonfictional -- to a place that is special to you (your hometown or country, a favorite location, etc), who would you bring and why? Tell us what you would share with that person.

God is one of the most important people in my life. Not because I believe that he created me, but because of the endless hours of discussion and thought that he has inspired in my life. I may be an atheist, but my ardor for religion runs deep. Given the opportunity, I would bring God to my town's local Starbucks-which has often served as a venue for intellectual debate between my friends and I-and garner answers to the questions that humanity has only guessed at through thousands of years of attempts.

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