Posts by spader181

spader181

Dec 31, 2010

Undergraduate / "For you, I've devoted and risked my chromatids!" - Chicago - FIND X! essay prompt [7]

Incredibly original. I'm glad I ran into this essay; the puns were amazing.

First thing I noticed was there was a moment of confusion at the beginning when you said you pledge allegance to the y each morning. I figured you were referring to gender but this made a little unclear.

Second, its too long. I think you could get rid of a lot of the middle section, particularly where you brag about your accomplishments. They already know this from the rest of the application, no need to tell them again.

Lastly, im not sure if you had a kid or if this is just allegory. You should make it clear one way or the other even though it will detract slightly from your style, otherwise you may have a very confused reader

spader181

Dec 31, 2010

Undergraduate / What would you dissolve and which solvent would you use? [2]

You may want to shorten it a little. Its a great essay but the prompt dosen't seem to request a response this long. Its short enough to remain interesting but the fact you don't answer the question until the last paragraph is a little risky. You should mention the desire to dissolve this wall earlier on, and add in the solvent part at the end like you have it now. Very well written; I don't think you need to make any grammar or word changes. If you just got to the point a little quicker it might resonnate with the reader a little better.

spader181

Dec 31, 2010

Undergraduate / transferring in with 38 previous college hours and a 3.5 from my last semester [3]

Look at the common app essay examples on this site to get an idea what to do; i get the impression thats the type of thing they're looking for. Just pick something that is meaningful to you; ussually its an experience that you learned something from that people write about. If i were you I would write about why you want to pursue that career path. Think of a specific experience that made tou want to do that and eleborate on it.

spader181

Dec 31, 2010

Undergraduate / "It sounds peculiar, but I love paper" - - Yale supplement essay [2]

Its still incredibly rough, particularly the last two paragraphs, but i would like to get some opinions on my essay while I still have time. Any general thoughts, especially on whether its clear or not, or major revisions would be great as I enter revision mode.

The prompt is pretty much anything, just tell us something about yourself. I think this kind of meets that, but its a bit of a stretch. The word limit is 500 and I am only a little over that right now.

Thanks a lot in advance!

I love paper. It sounds peculiar even as I write it, but I love paper; not so much for what it is, but for what it signifies. From art, to books, to scientific dissertations, paper represents the ability to bring new ideas of any kind into reality. My ability to learn from the ideas and discoveries of other, my ability to compose my own ideas into anything I choose, and my ability to leave those ideas for the profit of others all stem from one symbol: paper.

Some foresee the death of paper as kindles and Google take the place of books and encyclopedias. It may change medium every so often, but the benefit of the idea behind paper remains. Paper grants me access to the best ideas and discoveries to come from the brightest people in history. The more I read the more I appreciate this fact. With each turn of the pages of a novel and each search on Wikipedia I realize how much I benefit from the work of others. Almost all the luxuries I enjoy are result of people who were willing to produce and share their ideas. This gratitude I owe inspires me to contribute ideas of my own.

Staring a blank sheet of paper I am inspired into thought. Drawing is something I have enjoyed doing as long as I can remember. Seeing a work of art that I created where there once existed nothing but that plain sheet of paper is quite a feeling of accomplishment. Though as I look at my completed works I can't help but glance down at the empty sketch pad containing fresh sheets of paper and think how in many ways the blank ones are more interesting than anything I could have created to this point. The creation of each drawing inevitably opens opportunities for a better next creation next time because of the experience the last provided. I find this to be true of all creation; each science or math problem I solve opens the door for many more. I also learned from drawing that ideas can take a significant amount of revision before becoming something meaningful. When I think them, my ideas seem clear and thorough. It is only when I attempt to write what seem to be clear thoughts down and I am forced to complete a cohesive idea on a piece of paper that I realize how much work is required to bring an idea to fruition.

The story goes that upon asking what the purpose of certain lab equipment was Mrs. Einstein received the answer "to probe the deepest secrets of our universe", to which she responded "is that all? My husband does that on the back of old envelopes!" I support the notion that some of the most important achievements are made fueled by little more than paper and brainpower. This notion was a main motivation for my choosing to go into physics: I hope to add to my own knowledge and that of the world. In writing down my theories and discoveries, I can benefit others in a way that does not end with my death. This is my purpose in seeking an education and a career in scientific research: to make my ideas a reality.

I'll be willing to help you with your essay if you can help me with me mine.