Posts by jeremyrlim

jeremyrlim

Jan 10, 2011

Undergraduate / "Experience to teach the children from slums" -Macalester diversity -- cultures essay [4]

I am a current undergraduate international student at Macalester, and i definitely think the children in your story count as a "different culture", not because they are children but because they come from Hanoi. I would highlight the cultural differences in your essay (did they value certain things differently? did they have a mindset that was radically different from your own? Compare their life to yours - that would be a good way to explain why you thought things were "strange" or "Weird", and you can do this after the phrase "a place so different from my world"). I would also state the "challenge" more explicitly - i don't see one in your essay, just that the children "opened your eyes" in some way or another. Finally, was there a particular child you worked closely with? To zoom in on him or her actions or quotes will go a long way - the question does ask for "someone".

Remember, the internationalism is the aspect they are looking for, and your understanding and exposure of other cultures especially when juxtaposed with your own culture. You might answer the question, but remember to highlight what they are looking for.

I myself wrote about my Malay partner while i was in the army. Many students here write about coping with parents that come from 2 different countries. Some have gone to international conventions and have had work with teams consisting of students from other countries.

jeremyrlim

Jan 10, 2011

Undergraduate / "global issues and international relations" + "the face of Big Brother" - USC [4]

Since apparently i cannot edit my old post, here are is the rest of the essay critique:

USC is a paradise for students who wish to explore facts about the world. ~~As I first realized that USC has the most overseas students,~~ I cannot help but imagine all the potential ~~thatinteractions i could have with global friends~~friends I could make around the world.

would be very important yet exclusive lessons that I might seldom learned so broadly in other universities. (i am sorry, i do not know how to edit this since i do not know what it means)

Also, USC's summer study in Geneva perfectly matcheds with my ~~future~~ goal of being a senior consultant in an NGO. ~~Furthermore, I plan to declare double majors with Economics. IR and Economics, I am sure, will together aid me in making contributions to the development of third world countries.~~ Other academic interests include Economics, and I hope that with an IR and Economics double major I will be able to make positive contributions to the development of third world countries.

jeremyrlim

Jan 10, 2011

Undergraduate / "global issues and international relations" + "the face of Big Brother" - USC [4]

Ever since owning a television , my parents and I have watched the news during every meal, and have become a close follower of global issues and international relations (IR).

Social critique has shaped the way I think for the past 12 years. I often am able to link obscure connections and discover the insidious goals behind various actions .

Personally, i do not think this is a strong point since all it says it that you have been strongly influenced by television and watch a lot of it. In the world of academia, this could be work against you.

~~It is never arbitrary to conclude that listening and processing information about the globe is the very way I live~~

i am not sure what this means, and would omit it.

A true global citizen never shuts him/herself at home because the world is out there waiting to be explored.

~~Thanks to my mother's sponsorship~~ , I travel to many more countries than my peers do. Through overseas journeys and summer camps, I have become a questioner and thinker, . ~~and at the same time, I started to realize that the enthusiasm to indulge myself in the global issues and~~As my interest in IR grew , I felt prompted me to take things seriously [/i](how?): to not just travel ~~and search for fun~~for leisure but also to study and examine them[i](what is "them"?).

Again, I dont think this is a strong point. There is little humility in it, and there is nothing particularly special about "journeys and summer camps". Was there a particular event that made you realize this? Did something inspire you?

i will work through the rest later, but i hope this reaches you in time.

jeremyrlim

Jan 10, 2011

Undergraduate / Essays for application to Study Abroad in Japan - academic objectives and challenges [2]

Hello all! I am an international student applying for an exchange program at a university in Japan called Waseda. Unfortunately, some of their essay questions require at least a page or two in length at least, and i fear that in my efforts to lengthen the essay i may have jeopardized the actual content or missed the point entirely. Help is very much appreciated!

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Explain your academic objectives (beyond language or cultural acquisition) and academic fields in which you wish to accomplish them during the One-Year Study Abroad Program at the School of International Liberal Studies. Please write at least a two-page essay.

Four years ago at the end of my Junior College life, Waseda had been a prime candidate for a school in which to continue pursuing my academic career. It had a variety of non-Japanese classes taught in English which I could use to further interests outside of Japanese, it had a strong language program, it was academically rigorous and most importantly, since I wanted to work in Japan after graduation, it was located in Japan. Waseda itself was an academic objective which I could not reach because my results were not up to par. Now that the chance to study at Waseda is open to me once more, it is just as vital to my objectives as before, for the same reasons and a few new ones.

My academic objectives at Waseda are to complete my Japanese major requirements, determine my Japanese studies field of concentration, continue advancing my Computer Science studies and fulfill my general graduation requirements. Ultimately, I hope to work in Japan, most probably under the JET program.

Studying at Waseda's School of International Liberal Studies will allow me to complete most of the requirements of my Japanese Language and Culture major within a year. By enrolling into the Intensive Japanese Language program, I will be able to condense four semesters (16 credits) of Japanese Language into two semesters (8 credits), providing 8 credits with which I will explore additional fields of Japanese culture. As I have 2 majors with no overlap, I am often stifled for choice of courses and can only take the bare minimum if I am to graduate. Freeing up these 8 credits will allow me to cast my net wider and take more Japanese related courses I would never have been able to in America.

In my previous studies of Modern Japanese History, I have been intrigued by Japanese Postwar culture and literature, particularly works by Haruki Murakami, Oe Kenzaburo and Abe Kobo (as I had studied Woman in the Dunes in my Japanese film course). "EX415 Japanese Literature after 1945" will allow me to study these books academically and gain a deeper understanding of Japanese postwar literature. "CU305 Manga and Anime: expressions of Japanese Society" is another interesting course I intend to take; having grown up with several Manga in Singapore such as Doraemon. Anime is now almost omnipresent in Asian pop-culture, and studying it is important to understanding Japanese pop culture as well - this would build on the academic studies of Akira (1988), Spirited Away (2001) and Paprika (2006) I had done in my Japanese film course.

I would also like to know more about modern Japanese societal problems I have read about such as the hikikomori and ANPO, and since no such courses are offered in America "CU435 Culture and Psychological Experience in Japan" and "CU431 Selected Topics in Japanese Society" will be valuable at helping me understand the topic. Finally, courses like "CO32200 Japanese Phonetics and Phonology 51" will allow me to look at Japanese from a linguistic standpoint. By taking a range of different Japanese topics, I will be able to make a well informed decision on which area of Japanese Studies I wish to make my concentration, while also fulfilling my Japanese major requirements. Furthermore, while Courses on Japanese Culture in America may be taught in a western-centric manner, it is likely that they will be taught differently in Japan, and this experience will be vital in covering as many bases as possible with regards to my Japanese studies.

As both a Japanese and Computer Science double major, one of the important advantages of studying at Waseda's School of International Liberal Studies, especially when compared to other schools in Japan, is that it offers a vast range of non-Japanese courses in English. My academic objective of fulfilling Macalester's general graduation requirements, my Japanese major requirements and also my Computer Science major requirements can probably best be recognized at Waseda. Unlike other schools, I will be able to take such courses as "MI402 Systems and Networking", "MI401 Computerized Society" and "MI31600 Linear Algebra 51", which I can use to fulfill my Computer Science major requirements and also keep in touch with the subject during the year, something I would not have been able to do elsewhere. I am also constantly looking for ways to meld my majors together in preparation for my honor's thesis, and Waseda also offers "MI499 Independent Study" for Computer Science, which will allow me to find ways to merge my interests in both Computer Science and Japanese. Finally, I can meet my also meet Macalester's Social Science requirements while also learning about Japan by taking such courses as "EB306 The Japanese Economy and Industry" and "CU30300 Sociology of Japanese Culture and Society 51".

I am very excited at the opportunity to study at an academically prestigious university like Waseda and I truly believe Waseda is the ideal college for providing me with everything I need to fulfill my academic objectives

(about this essay: The question may be grammatically incorrect, but that is the actual question. I am unsure whether I have broken the rule "other than language and cultural acquisition" by talking about the courses, but am unsure of what else to put in it's place)

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What are the three greatest challenges you expect to encounter in making the transition to living and studying in Japan? How would you attempt to deal with such challenges?

The first and most obvious challenge would be the language barrier, and being forced to speak Japanese every day in non-classroom situations (a challenge I am thrilled to meet), and potentially having to remember new vocabulary or grammar on the fly. To deal with this challenge, I have already begun preparation by living in special on-campus housing where speaking Japanese at all times is mandatory, and students live with a Japanese lab instructor (this is known as the "Japan House", and only 3 students are allowed). I also hope to remain diligent in studying the language, and will be unafraid to speak it as often as possible, to as many people as possible, despite the potential to make mistakes.

Also daunting would be whether I would be able to blend in with Japanese culture, which I have read has a tendency to shut out and exclude foreigners (the Japanese concept of uchi-soto), and has a very culture that is unique even to other East Asians like myself. The Japanese also have many social customs which will be difficult to adjust to or remember. Keigo, the Japanese formal language with which I am quite unfamiliar, will probably be the biggest challenge, especially since I envision there will be many situations where it would be most appropriate, but will not know how to use it, or even that I should use it.

Similarly, I intend to be unafraid of making mistakes and attempt to blend in and speak naturally, learning from mistakes. Already studying in a foreign country, I think I can handle cultural shock and adaptation much better, as I have experienced and learnt from it. I will also be as involved with my host family as possible. I have heard that exchange students of Waseda, being an international school, sometimes stick within their own cliques and end up not immersing themselves in the culture fully; I will step outside this 'bubble', and explore Japan as much as possible. Finally, I will also do my research and learn about as many Japanese events or cultural practices as possible via books before going to Japan.

As for Keigo, I have been spending my free time reading up about it beyond my current level, learning the vocabulary and circumstances under which it should be used. I will also clarify with my Japanese friends any questions I have about the matter.

The final challenge would be making friends in Japan, especially Japanese ones, which is important especially if I want to work in Japan in future. As I already have a bevy of Japanese friends in Japan, I fully intend to look them up, catch up with them, and hopefully be more comprehensible this time round. Through them, I hope to make even more Japanese friends. I will also participate in clubs and circles at Waseda (such as martial arts clubs, since I have previous experience), and participate in school events. Again, having studied in America and being only one of three Singaporeans in schools, I have already experienced making friends despite being alone in a foreign country, and this experience will help me in Japan as well.

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thank you so much for your help in proofreading these essays!