Writing Feedback / (IELTS topic) shopping has become a favorite past time among young people.. [4]

The topic is (shopping has become a favorite past time among young people.why do you think its like that, and do you think they must be encouraged to do other things than shopping?)

shopping is becoming a favorite past time among young people these days , and in this essay i am gonna write about why is this shopping becoming a favorite past time especially among young people.

first of all, look at the world around you all people now look for being the most cool person ever. Every teenager when he sees any of his friends wearing something new or wearing a new shirt from a certain brand he has to go and buy a cooler shirt forgetting that his money which he spends on the clothes is like he is throwing his money on the floor just to look cool for a while he goes every day to buy a new piece of clothes.

shopping also those days isn't only for clothes its turning to electronic items.
On the other hand, this person forgets about his inside and just look for his outfit and what does he has to show in front of people.

A problem we are facing in the whole world today and its that,that people measure their look for the person in front of them with what is he wearing and what mobile is he carrying,forgetting that maybe this person is so rich from outside with clothes and cool items but he is very poor from inside having no good manners or good behaviors. and this look from people if its not gonna change,teens are always gonna find shopping is the best past time as it raise shape in front of the people and are gonna spend all their money on things with no value afterwards.

To summarize,I have an impression that people are the main reason that push young people to take shopping as their favorite past time. And if people kept on their same look,I think that its gonna be very hard or impossible to encourage the young people to do in their past time always to increase their value in front of people.