Undergraduate / A Series of Fortunate Events (sudden exposure / The telescope) - Common App [6]

Hey, I am an incredible procrastinator, and I only began my essay around 4 hours ago. I need to hand it in soon, so If I could get any response to it I would sincerely and greatly appreciate it. I tend to get carried away and a small push in the right direction would be great :)

I have not completed it, but will be doing so shortly at which time I will update this OP.

A series of fortunate events

I was mesmerized. Stunned by the lack of maturity on my part. The vagueness of the silhouette began disappearing, recreating the truths once buried. Pinpointing the attainment of the fragments would be impossible in every sense. But, on the other hand, there are pieces; pieces have a way of coming together to form a picture. This picture would indefinitely shape every fiber of my existence.

A sudden exposure

I dropped my tarnished, 1980's alarm clock for the umpteenth time. Awaking on an oddly misty day, it never dawned on me that I would be facing a rather bitter environment. I later rummaged into my grimy drawer for any cash remnants and took off to the only get-away from my then otherwise rather monotonous life, the café at the top. A different scenario presented itself today, all of my 'friends' were just talking. It seemed slightly odd, and the manner of their language seemed even lower than usual. I used to regret joining that conversation. Beginning my teens, I perceived the world with simplicity. That euphoria I persevered with soon disappeared.

Matters on murder, crime, infidelities, human selfishness and political abuse began filling my head and seemed to swirl around for hours. The hatred in the world, the mutilations of the 1980's Sinhala - Tamil Civil war and destruction which encircles our world slowly made me come to realize what really hides under the curtain. I tried to shun the words of people double my age, but my mind was merciless.

"How was this all hidden from me for so long?

It created a painful pinch in the pit of my stomach, slowly rising from there to engulf my body, torturing my mind into giving up its earlier beliefs. I felt a bit of me leave me that day, something that would never return.

The telescope

Life continued its ignorant and chaotic flow for many more years to come. I marched on, intertwining myself in society and school life. An auspicious day lied ahead though, the day I finally get my telescope. My adolescent years helped me form fondness for everything outside our Earth; I studied, watched and learned about the void. The overwhelming aspect of space and it's never ending mysterious which humans are only now beginning to uncover inch by inch, in an area which is limitless. That tingle and slight shiver that runs down your spine when you realize the harmonious nature of everything is what makes it all worth learning about.

Having obtained the gadget after much toil, I quickly set it up and peered through the tiny hole. It only took a few moments, but I found Saturn and its celestial rings. Seeing Saturn look so small, even though the gigantic gas planet is nearly 10 times the size of our Earth, made me aw at the deceptive nature of distance. A small flame began burning in me then, a flame that made me finally contemplate the grandeur of things, and the significance of humans in schemes that seem to stretch on infinitively. Again, I felt pain my stomach.

"How can we be so insignificant?"

Rarely do we take heed of a dead ant which be due to our endeavors, or the bug which we squish for irritating us. I began to feel small and unimportant in a growing population of 6 billion people.

Breaking Waves

The immense pre-exam revision seemed to have gotten the better of me. The soft, relaxing bed seemed to be tempted me to take heed of my fatigue and rest. The weather was cool, the sun fading into the western horizon, and the vibe to walk along the shore was appearing to be my only consolation.

The wisps of cool air that brushed against my face and the serene sound of breaking waves was the relief I sought after. It finally helped me realize the deepness about certain matters.

It really doesn't matter how small or insignificant we are. It's the risks we undertake and experience we gain that creates character and signifies us. Everything I have been through only helped me create my goals with dedication and helped better understand the difficulties and hardships people face. I believe in all the good things that have happened over the years and are going to happen, memories that may be fading away or growing with time. I slowly believed that with the right motivation and footing, you can go as far as space can take you: everywhere.

Any help on grammar/phrasing and also a little help with the end would be amazing. I have no clue how to end this but I can't re-do it all. Any help would be great!