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Posts by ludus
Joined: Mar 13, 2011
Last Post: Mar 17, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  

From: Canada

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ludus   
Mar 13, 2011
Undergraduate / "My team was in Guatemala" - Influential Experience: Brown Supplemental Essay. [8]

This is good!

Your message is clear and concise, just a few things though...

Your "team," who is that? Is this a school trip? A mission trip? Church people? Be more specific as to your purpose of the visit (aside from the obvious to-help-the-village reason), and this will give the essay markers more insight into your overall reason for writing the essay, which I assume is to show your passion for humanities and such?

Oh, and don't use the word "basically". Saying that sanitation is nonexistent is sufficient.

One last thing, what's the purpose of this essay? Was there a word/character limit? If not, I really feel as though you need to expand on your second-last paragraph, about the lessons that the village showed you. You mentioned three points about Guatemala, so why not give three examples relating to those (poverty affecting families, sanitation affecting families, and the effects of inefficient government)? This will give your essay more depth, make it longer, and also give it more information!

Pretty good overall though!
ludus   
Mar 13, 2011
Undergraduate / Practicing for the AFMAA: Why did you choose the Accounting and Financial Management? [4]

Hi!

I'm doing some practice essays, just kind of drilling myself to prepare for the AFMAA, a two-hour, three essay writing assessment to get into my program of choice.

Any help editing would be much appreciated!

Question: Why did you choose the Accounting and Financial Management program?

When I began my high school career at __________ Memorial Secondary School, I knew that the business field was somewhere that I wanted to go. Bottom-line deals, boardroom meetings with potential investors, creating a report to the present to the CEO of the company were all exciting situations that I could see myself in. However, as time went on and I learned more about the business world through my teachers, I realized that those same situations I had imagined before would not be an everyday occurrence for a businessperson. Rather, it was more common for someone who dealt in the finance sector, which changed my views about a potential job.

Money has always been something that has fascinated me. Is it true that money makes the world go round? What is it about this collection of little green paper bills that makes some people so worried, and others so happy? The idea of money is very interesting to me, and that is why I have chose to pursue a career in finance, and my role as the vice-president of my school's "Student Investment Club" has helped solidify that goal. The University of Waterloo's Accounting and Financial Management Program would really allow me to gain a much stronger understanding of the world of finance, and ultimately allow me to reach my dream goal.

However, many universities have business programs or even specified accounting programs, so why choose Waterloo? As old and as cliche as this may sound, it was Waterloo's co-op option that brought me to rank Waterloo as a my first choice. The sheer amount of possibilities of work, ranging from KPMG to BMW, with top-name companies all around the world really allows a student to understand the business level at a deeper level. A student can experience for themselves what it is like to work as an accountant or financial analyst, rather than listening to a guest speaker coming in and glorifying the job title. In addition, the co-op option would also allow a student to gain many different contacts that they can call upon, as well as exercise his social and soft skills. Finally, the co-op terms are taken during the school study year, allowing the student to take time off during the summer and still complete their degree with a headstart into the real world.

My final reason for choose Waterloo is somewhat of personal dream. After I came to Canada and settled down with friends, I was surprised that my friends received something called an "allowance". The very idea that a parent would pay their own children flabbergasted me. A few years later, the U.S economy would be hit with the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression, and just a few semesters later, I would learn about the causes of the Great Depression in my History class. The sequence of events had no importance to me at the time, but as I reflect back on it, I realized that financial literacy was a big problem in the world. As Canada is now pulling through a recovery stage, there are many interviews on the radio discussing the ever-growing problem of financial literacy, and its effects even now on Canadians. Though it is a big feat to say the least, I hope that by attending Waterloo and gaining experience into the field of financial management, I can one day make a difference, and teach the world to become more financially literate.

Just some background info: The AFMAA is a 2 hour evaluation, in which you must write three essays, all somewhat related to this one. When I am practicing, I usually try to aim for about half an hour per essay, and this is what I came out with, so please excuse me if I don't have a conclusion paragraph, haha

Again, any help/feedback/comments would be appreciated!
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