Scholarship / "The indelible inspirations and values inculcated by the trio" - Ntu scholarship [11]

Thanks you Kevin for your comments, I will alter it. Anyway in the next draft, I have changed a large part of the content.

Scholarship / "The indelible inspirations and values inculcated by the trio" - Ntu scholarship [11]

Rajiv Gera, your words have touch me.
I have drafted another one, as what you have instructed.( I have tried my best in expressing myself in clarity, please pardon me for any negligence.)

2nd draft:

The indelible inspirations and values inculcated by the trio - my father, Beethoven and Einstein.

It all started when I was young my father had ignited my passion for science. On top of that, he also inspired me to become a scientist. As I grew older, from Beethoven, I have learnt that hard work is required to success. He had an unyielding spirit in life which taught me to be resilient and tenacious in the face of adversity. It was his will which help me to get back on my feet and take a step closer to my dream. When I was 17, I learnt about Einstein's life. It was not about science, but how he juggled his love for violin that made me understand and become certain what my own future would be; music and physics are my left and right wings. Both Beethoven and Einstein are similar in that they taught me to think and work differently from being just ordinary so as to discover the original and new, and improve on the old and to bring change and even usher in a new era. Now, I will dedicate all my time in physics and piano so that I make my mark in the future and to contribute to the society.

As such, I covet this scholarship as it will offer me more opportunities to pursue my interest in greater depth, to develop leadership and equip myself with skills which I would be unable to learn elsewhere. Lastly, I also wish to reduce the burden of tuition fees on my father.

I have a dream; science being revolutionized so that it can solve, hopefully eradicate, the woes in our world.

I have to admit that I have lofty dream, but I believe that our ancestors have taken the first step to encourage people to have a dream for themselves. Most importantly, it must not be a malicious one. One thing I am certain of is that, not only me but all the good souls dream of the earth as a better place for everyone - say no to sufferings and injustice.

Scholarship / "The indelible inspirations and values inculcated by the trio" - Ntu scholarship [11]

Thanks you Rajiv for your constructive criticism. I know you mean well, perhaps I do not have the flair for expressing myself. If I am not wrong you had perceived it wrongly "All these years I have been indulging in an idyllic life, until I entered JC ."

Anyway, I must thank you a thousand times for putting forth such criticism - showing the flaw in the essay.

Scholarship / "The indelible inspirations and values inculcated by the trio" - Ntu scholarship [11]

Merci beaucoup Monsieur .

Scholarship / "The indelible inspirations and values inculcated by the trio" - Ntu scholarship [11]

Could any kind soul please help me to correct any errors and give some comments?