Ahmadullah
Mar 27, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS Grahp (the pattern of smoking of different sexes) [5]
Dear Aria,
very good,essay, but iwould be better to write your introductory section in maximum 3 short line.not so long.and also it is not good to write or explain the table in itrodutory section but it is better to explain it in the body paragraph.
for example:
The graph shows the pattern of smoking of different sexes in Someland during 1960 -2000(Itroduction is good).
but you should seperate it from body paragraph.
As an overall pattern the graph give us the information that the number smoker men started to decline during this period of the time, while the number of women smokers had a rise until 1975 then started an slightly fall to the end of this time. Moreover, the number of male smoking was always more than women during this period of the time.
Hope you like it, these are hints we studied at IELTS course.
Dear Aria,
very good,essay, but iwould be better to write your introductory section in maximum 3 short line.not so long.and also it is not good to write or explain the table in itrodutory section but it is better to explain it in the body paragraph.
for example:
The graph shows the pattern of smoking of different sexes in Someland during 1960 -2000(Itroduction is good).
but you should seperate it from body paragraph.
As an overall pattern the graph give us the information that the number smoker men started to decline during this period of the time, while the number of women smokers had a rise until 1975 then started an slightly fall to the end of this time. Moreover, the number of male smoking was always more than women during this period of the time.
Hope you like it, these are hints we studied at IELTS course.
