Neogio
Apr 28, 2011
Writing Feedback / Television has had a mostly negative effect on society. [5]
I suggest taking out the first two sentences and saying something along the lines of:
"American society has become more dependent on TV--" And then provide some statistics that support your initial claim.
Trying be a little more concise with your prose, for example:
"However,W atching TV brings mostly negative effects such as threat to the maintenance ofthreatens traditional family values, our children's future, and people's behavior.
And I recommend that you be more specific with your essay, like with your fourth paragraph... How has TV's influence on society brought about changes in their behavior?
I suggest taking out the first two sentences and saying something along the lines of:
"American society has become more dependent on TV--" And then provide some statistics that support your initial claim.
Trying be a little more concise with your prose, for example:
"
And I recommend that you be more specific with your essay, like with your fourth paragraph... How has TV's influence on society brought about changes in their behavior?
