Writing Feedback / Television has had a mostly negative effect on society. [5]

I suggest taking out the first two sentences and saying something along the lines of:
"American society has become more dependent on TV--" And then provide some statistics that support your initial claim.

Trying be a little more concise with your prose, for example:

"However,W atching TV brings mostly negative effects such as threat to the maintenance ofthreatens traditional family values, our children's future, and people's behavior.

And I recommend that you be more specific with your essay, like with your fourth paragraph... How has TV's influence on society brought about changes in their behavior?