Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]

Posts by ahwalker1985
Joined: Apr 26, 2011
Last Post: May 14, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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May 14, 2011
Undergraduate / "Why I feel ready to return"- A college readmission essay [11]

Made a few minor adjustments to reduce wordiness and first person references then submitted it last Friday, got the readmission letter today. I will be returning to SMU this fall. Thank you Allison, Kevin and Eric (before submitting skimmed through previous posts and made the salutation change you advised) for your help, you guys made this possible by providing the best essay advice I have ever received. Will certainly be returning here often for feedback.
May 2, 2011
Writing Feedback / External appearance provides important clues for a person [3]

A few corrections

American former president Ronald Regan once said

Former American president Ronald Reagan once said

What Regan addresses is the importance of judging a person from how he eats the jellybean, weather to eat once at a time or to put a bunch of them in mouth.

Reagan addresses the importance of judging a person from how he eats the jellybean, whether eating one or several at a time.

shows that he is kind sad or have something serious to do.
shows that he is sad or has something serious to do

Were not because of his great achievement in modern physics, he would have been probably disgusted by his peers.
He probably would have been considered disgusting by his peers were it not for his great achievement in modern physics.

which is the reason how the House still keeps the dignity even though it don't have any real power.
which is how the House keeps its dignity despite lacking real power.

Paying attention to a man's external appearance is a good way to get known him. His thinking and action has already been unintentionally concentrated in his outside looking.

Since a man's thoughts and actions are unintentionally concentrated on his external appearance paying attention to it is a good way to be noticed by him.
Apr 27, 2011
Undergraduate / "Why I feel ready to return"- A college readmission essay [11]

I'm trying to get back into college, this is my readmission essay. The requirement states that the student shall express the reasons they feel ready to return. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Dear Admissions Counselor;

After being placed on academic probation following the fall 2008 semester I chose to leave the university lacking the desire to continue being a college student. Self-improvement has been my mission the past two years and I will convey why I am ready to be a student at SMU again.

I entered SMU a very unhappy person. I was significantly overweight, self-conscious and felt inadequate so I distanced myself from campus life and missed out developing the friendships and habits that successful college students enjoy. Academically my focus was lacking, I was never serious about declaring a major and took classes more on availability rather than degree progress utility. During the fall 2008 semester I stretched myself rather thin between an off-campus job and school and my performance at both was unsatisfactory. I needed to make several changes and thought it best to leave while doing so.

My two years away were the most illuminating of my life. I broadened my horizons and engaged in hobbies I never previously had the opportunity to enjoy. I camped, fished, visited several historical landmarks, I began exercising and eating better and as a result lost one-hundred twenty pounds (two-hundred fifty pounds to one-hundred thirty pounds) which re-energized me and greatly improved my self-esteem. Socializing and being positive comes much easier to me now. I took up reading and writing as a form of leisure and discovered that learning can be quite enjoyable which got me interested in returning to school. Being on my own and having to work several jobs to support myself made me realize I can accomplish much more in life with a college education and am now motivated to do reach that end.

I have always been fascinated by American History. As a small child, my grandparents regaled me with stories of life during the Great Depression. I found the characters in their tales to be vibrant and unforgettable and was compelled to learn more. Most of my favorite books are about U.S. Presidents and wars that featured significant American involvement; I have gained insight about the events and people that shaped America's character and values from those works. The history classes I took at SMU were the most enjoyable of any I have ever had so I will pursue a degree in the field. Declaring a major I have great interest in will make me a much more committed and productive student.

Re-acclimating to school after a two-year break will be difficult. If re-admitted I plan to meet that challenge and make my next tenure at SMU successful by living on campus and not working any off-campus jobs. This will enable me to completely focus on taking fifteen to eighteen credit hours per semester and be primed to earn my degree at the end of the fall semester of the 2013-2014 academic year. My long-term objective is to obtain employment with a historical society helping to educate the public on the significance of the past. Getting an internship is vital to that objective and the most competitive in the field normally mandate that a candidate have an overall and major-specific GPA of 3.0 to be considered. History is a writing and research intensive major so grades are dependent on being proficient at both so I plan to have at least two drafts per assignment evaluated at the writing center to help maximize the quality of my papers. My plan is to intern with a historical society next summer and I am aiming to meet the GPA requirement by the end of the 2011-2012 academic year.

I have learned a great deal from my experiences and have made many positive strides as a person. I am excited about my future and committed to seeing my plan for success through. If given another opportunity I will do everything in my power to be a better student. Whatever you decide I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to be heard.