Undergraduate /
(knowledge and a commitment to service; my family) - Spelman College [3]
Hi Kendia,
The main theme of this essay is that you didn't drop out from studies when others did because of your love for reading and gaining knowledge.
The theme is good. However, I think....I think that your introduction is a bit trite as the admission officers will possibly read hundreds of essays saying that they love reading but 'What's that special in you?' This is the question you must answer.
OK! Let's see how to make your essay better.
First of all begin with a dialogue. And put your story in the narrative tone. For instance, take the teenage pregnancy case. Take your friend to be the victim.
'I'm dropping out!' The words struck me right into the heart. 'What?' The silence said it all....IN THIS WAY YOU CAN CONTINUE YOUR STORY PLOT ON HOW YOUR BEST FRIEND WAS THE VICTIM OF TEEN-AGE PREGNANCY AND HOW YOUR CONSCIENCE AND LOVE OF LEARNING HELPED YOU TO STAY IN YOUR PATH.
I hope that works! :)