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(knowledge and a commitment to service; my family) - Spelman College


KendiaMarie 2 / 4  
May 12, 2011   #1
Seeking knowledge and a commitment to service are integral parts of the Spelman experience. Discuss and illustrate the ways in which you have shown your commitment to these areas. (500-1000 Words)

Graduated In Spite of Bad Grades in Classs



I have always been told that knowledge is the key to success. You can't get anywhere in life without knowledge. Not only is knowledge the key to success, it is the key to breaking down barrier that may prevent you from achieving what you want in life. With knowledge anything can be conquered.

From as far back as I can remember I have always had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. When I was five my desire for knowledge was just starting to grow. I would ask my teacher to give me homework every day. So while everyone else was outside playing, I would be inside of the house doing my homework. When I was six years old I had just learned to read. Reading made my thirst for knowledge grow even more. I would read any and every book that I could get my hands on. My love for reading is the reason why I have excelled in school as much as I did. My middle school even awarded me for my reading. To this day, I have read so many books that I long count a long time ago.

When I got to high school I didn't know what to expect. The school was bigger, the hallways were longer, and the classes were more challenging. Even though I was overwhelmed at first, I still did what I had to do. I knew that there are many statistics out there that were stacked against me. The rising rate of high school drop outs and teenage pregnancies could have easily pulled me in. With determination and focus I managed to go through my entire four years of high school without ever skipping a class or getting a suspension or detention. My commitment to seeking knowledge and service shows in my effort to succeed in school and upcoming volunteering. Hopefully I will be starting volunteer work at Discovery World soon. It will make me happy to know that I have helped people. Also, I would like to think that I will make a good impact on my community.

My family always pushed me to do my best in whatever it is that I do. I didn't always listen to them when they told me that I could do better. I wish that I would have listened to now. Even though I feel as if I could've gotten better grades in high school, I still graduated with my class. My family wasn't as proud of me as I was of myself. I surpassed a lot of people who made the decision of dropping out of school. Now it is time to continue on with that same determination that I had in high school and put my all into graduating college. I know it'll be difficult but in the end it will all be worth it.
Shahriar 1 / 10  
May 13, 2011   #2
Hi Kendia,

The main theme of this essay is that you didn't drop out from studies when others did because of your love for reading and gaining knowledge.

The theme is good. However, I think....I think that your introduction is a bit trite as the admission officers will possibly read hundreds of essays saying that they love reading but 'What's that special in you?' This is the question you must answer.

OK! Let's see how to make your essay better.

First of all begin with a dialogue. And put your story in the narrative tone. For instance, take the teenage pregnancy case. Take your friend to be the victim.

'I'm dropping out!' The words struck me right into the heart. 'What?' The silence said it all....IN THIS WAY YOU CAN CONTINUE YOUR STORY PLOT ON HOW YOUR BEST FRIEND WAS THE VICTIM OF TEEN-AGE PREGNANCY AND HOW YOUR CONSCIENCE AND LOVE OF LEARNING HELPED YOU TO STAY IN YOUR PATH.

I hope that works! :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 14, 2011   #3
Not only is knowledge the key to success, it is the key to breaking down barriers that may prevent you from achieving what you want...

I think this essay needs to have a theme associated with your interests, not just assertions of determination. You should show that you have a REASON to be determined. Then, the reader will believe you. I love the enthusiasm, but this essay needs something: Tell what you want to achieve. Do some reading, and tell what you want to achieve.

:-)


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