Undergraduate / (financial aid awarded by the college to foreign students) U of Chicago supplement [5]

Rechy
"One of the various factors and the most important of all that affects my choices of colleges is the financial aid awards. awardedaward by the college to international students.

To be honest. The essay doesn't seem to be very strong just by reading this sentence. Even though, I am not a good writer myself. I can tell that this is weak. I corrected some mistake and change some words usage up. I suggest to add more information. I don't think you should say financial aid award is an important factor of college. Instead you should add things that you think is important to go to college. Saying something about money is very unattractive.

Kind Regards

Undergraduate / "Moving from New York City, I had trouble" - Boston University Supplement [4]

Hello,

I hope my answer is not usuless and meaingless because I do not want to be ban, but I need to answer questions before I can post a thread again.

Anyways, I thought your essay was really good and I didn't really find any grammar issue in my opinion. It flowed very nicely and easy to understand.

"whom is currently attending Boston University, granted me with the privilege of a personal tour of the campus as well as to view a cultivation of her old freshman coursework."

sounds fine. However, someone said

"whom is currently attending Boston University, grantedme the privilege of a personal tour of the campus, as well as the opportunity to view a cultivation of her old freshman coursework. I immediately...."

sounds better.

In my opinion, it is fine. Just add the opportunity part is fine. I think privilege is unnecessary.

Research Papers / I need a thesis for technology and how it has changed the way people learn [6]

Actually that was a good introduction. Now I don't want to do the disadvanages . I want to speak about all the advanage about technology with the way we learn.

But how would I do this? They said I need sources. So what should I be looking for?