Posts by Blingles

Blingles

Jun 1, 2011

Essays / Topic - Violence in Children's Television [7]

@EF_Kevin
Haha surprisingly, I did find a recent study done in 2011 that shows children do not like violence. I am planning to use that in my 3rd paragraph.

Ah, I see what you mean. Alright, I'll try as best as I can.

Thanks a lot for the help! :)

Blingles

May 29, 2011

Essays / Topic - Violence in Children's Television [7]

I thank both of you very much for extremely informative feed backs.

Sadly, I read them too late and I do not have much time to restart on the essay.

However, I will make sure that I will follow your guidelines next time.

I guess I will lose quite a lot of marks for this essay...

@ EF Kevin
Hmm...
Right now, I have my body paragraphs in this order
- Desensitization
- Mean and Scary World Syndrome
- Studies showing that children do NOT like violence on television

What I wanted was to include those 3 points in my final sentences of my introduction;

"It is this increasing of violence broadcasted in television that desensitizes children to real world violence and causes them to suffer from the mean and scary world syndrome. Is violence the only way to grab children's attention?"

When making a new ending sentence, should I cancel the "violence... grab children's attention" part?
But then, I feel that I wouldn't be including the three points in my introduction that I am going to discuss in my body paragraphs.

I need help on ending my introduction properly.

Thanks
Any help appreciated

- Blingles

Blingles

May 27, 2011

Essays / Topic - Violence in Children's Television [7]

Edit:

New Intro
Children, those who need to grow in a pure and clean society, are becoming plagued with indecencies of the media. We are failing to raise them in an ideal, virtuous manner. Since when was it considered to be righteous to allow violence and cruelty, which even mature adults are disturbed by, to be displayed for children? It seems that modern television shows are always being "decorated" with violent scenes to attract youth viewers. This lure, that obstructs children's process of developing into prudent adults, must discontinue in order to protect our future generations. It is this increasing of violence broadcasted in television that desensitizes children to real world violence and causes them to suffer from the mean and scary world syndrome. Is violence the only way to grab children's attention?

Blingles

May 26, 2011

Essays / Topic - Violence in Children's Television [7]

So I chose to write an essay on violence in children's television.
This is how I plan my essay to be.

My argument: television show producers should include only appropriate scenes in children's shows

My 3 body paragraphs:
1. Television violence leads to more aggressive behaviour in children
2. Television violence desensitizes children from real life violence
3. Television violence causes children to suffer from mean and scary world syndrome.

Please give me feedbacks for my argument and my 3 body paragraphs!
I did have an interview with my teacher regarding my essay progress, and
he said to decide on an argument and make the topic "narrower".
He suggested writing the essay about the mean and scary world syndrome and derive an argument from there.

But the thing is, the essay has to be 800 ~ 1000 words long, and I am quite sure that
writing just about mean and scary world syndrome is not enough to fill 800 words.

So I decided to stick with my plan... but please tell me what you think I should do.

So far, I have written my introduction.

Intro
Our society, one that used to be pure and virtuous, is becoming plagued with corruption. Humans are failing to live up to their own expectations of ideal humanity. Since when was it considered to be righteous to allow violence and cruelty, which even mature adults are disturbed by, to be displayed in children's view? It seems that modern television shows are always being "decorated" with violent scenes to attract youth viewers. This lure, that obstructs children's process of developing into prudent adults, must discontinue in order to protect our future generations. It is this increasing of violence in television that triggers more aggressive behaviour in children, desensitizes them to real world violence, and causes them to suffer from the mean and scary world syndrome.

I appreciate any correction and feedback for my intro!

I intended to make "This lure, that obstructs children's process of developing into prudent adults, must discontinue in order to protect our future generations" the thesis, suggesting that violence in television should be stopped. Is this a good thesis? What should I do with it?

Thanks in advance,
Blingles