jj93
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / My Non-Diversity Form of Diversity; Colgate University/ About you/ Colgate Community [7]
I'm not good a critiquing but here goes.
It is this same reaching out that I hope to continue throughout four years at Colgate University.Whether by whipping up a batch of Swedish meatballs or whipping out my collected family records, I hope to both share my own and discover my Colgate family's diversity.
The wording sounds a little clumsy here.
Also I think these diversity essays are tricky, I'd attack it by telling what I would bring to the community. It leaves me asking if you're going to the college to learn about its culture or to find out more about your ancestry. I think it would be better to say something concrete.
I'm not good a critiquing but here goes.
It is this same reaching out that I hope to continue throughout four years at Colgate University.Whether by whipping up a batch of Swedish meatballs or whipping out my collected family records, I hope to both share my own and discover my Colgate family's diversity.
The wording sounds a little clumsy here.
Also I think these diversity essays are tricky, I'd attack it by telling what I would bring to the community. It leaves me asking if you're going to the college to learn about its culture or to find out more about your ancestry. I think it would be better to say something concrete.
