Undergraduate / "My father: a tenacious strength and resilience" - obstacle or bump [5]

This is sort of a rough draft, but it's in the general direction I'd like to be going.

These are the prompts.
We ask that you respond to two of the topics below. Your personal statement should be no longer than 250 words each or a total of 500 words for both statements. The best personal statements are not necessarily the longest ones.

1. If there has been some obstacle or bump in the road in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
2. How has your family history, culture, or environment influenced who you are?
3. Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
4. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that will allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

Any tips/suggestions/ideas you have, please feel free to give me any sort of criticism.

I sort of combined two prompts, but I could limit it to only one, I suppose. It just seemed right including the two.

If there has been some obstacle or bump in the road in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances/How has your family history, culture, or environment influenced who you are?

At age 16, I was told that the man that I had called father my entire life may not actually be my biological father. I remember it vividly. My mother ambling into the room. Her cheeks, splotchy and red. I could tell that she had been crying. She lamented to me how she had kept this secret for so long, sobbing over words and explaining how she had run it through her head, over and over, trying to picture how she could present this situation to me. I was unsure. I remember being numb to the situation, but I never really felt any form of sorrow or grief. As I grew older, we never really discussed it.

I think the reason we never discussed it, and the reason I have never felt any reason to bring it up, is because I love my family. I have never faced a crucible or trial that I could not overcome with the support of my family. My mother has bestowed upon me humility and a nurturing love, my father has given me a tenacious strength and resilience, and my brother has shown me the power of youth and pride. They have instilled these attributes in me, shaping and carving me into the respectable man I am today.

I know that I will carry these attributes and gifts presented to me over to UCF, where I can not only continue to make my family proud, but also my peers, professors, and other new faces I may meet along the way. I want people to be able to say, after I've finished my work at UCF, that they're proud to recognize me amongst their alumni. I believe I can do great things, and I want to be able to say that UCF gave me the education to make it possible.

What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that will allow you to contribute to the UCF community?
The qualities I stated above are really an excellent description of what I try to exhibit in my endeavors. Through humility, perseverance, tenacity, and compassion, I know that I will be a beacon of ambition for the UCF community. One of the things I noticed, as I was proofreading this essay, is that I had used the term "I hope" a few times. I've removed all forms of hope, and replaced them with the term "I know". I did this because I know that if I am given the opportunity to study at UCF, there is no doubt in my mind that I will go on to accomplish my goals and achieve my aspirations. I know that this essay has given you a sense of my will and determination, and I know that I will be working hard towards my eventual Master's at UCF come Spring.