Graduate / "the oil industry" - SOP for graduate studies in Petroleum Engineering [6]

correct:
"when I assisted to several presentations from the major oilfield services companies, "...assisted? do u mean that u attended these presentations so helped/assisted in preparing them ...this phrase is confusing so make it more clear

Graduate / "Computer Network Security specialization in MS" -- SOP for MS in CS [4]

i read the introduction and there's many mistakes but the ideas are really great
correct:
"weather it's a boom or a bust in the marke..." by 'whether"
"the satisfication I get when I work on my ideas on the computer have given me more satisfaction than my pay check" by translating my abstract ideas into real computer programs gives me more satisfaction than does my pay check

"instructional anmiationsion computer usage in awe" by animation
"It is not only pleasure that computer science has given me" by computer science has not only given me pleasure;....continue
"are borne out of a reason. The reason that I like everything about computers" by are born out of a reason; my interest in everyting that concerns computers

Graduate / SOP for Clinical (Biomed) Engineering Masters [4]

"From these experiences, I confirmed my interest in developing and improving technology in healthcare, or in other words, clinical engineering"
this sentence is weak !
u can insted say: Such experiences augmented/strenghtened/deepened my interest in developing and improving healthcare technology and pursuing higher studies in clinical engineering.
the introduction is fascinating!

Undergraduate / "survived the emotional baggage" - why i am a great candidate for FIT [5]

u must correct this sentence "She has the charm. Hand-stitched to perfection. Dusted with diamonds. Half-priced"
by: She has the charm; 's hand-stitched to perfection, dusted with diamonds and half-priced.