eebrandt1
Aug 22, 2011
Undergraduate / "an organization called VIP Buddies" - UF Essay rough draft [2]
Hey, here's my UF essay...Just a rough draft at around 250 words, still have alot more to write. I just wanted to know if you guys think that it's going in the right direction or not. I'm not sure if the introduction is as attention-grabbing as it needs to be, or if I'm deviating too far from the prompt with meaningless details. Thanks so much!
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
1865 - The abolition of slavery. 1920 - The realization of women's rights. 1969 - Man's first step on the moon...All of these events recalibrated worldviews on a global scale. In 2009 I participated in a program that, however miniscule when compared to the previously stated events, altered my life and morphed the way I view the world - an organization called VIP Buddies. VIP Buddies meets early every Sunday morning at the Weston Regional Park for several hours, pairing volunteers like myself with mentally disabled children. We warmed up by treading around on the freshly sheared grass, and then delved into the real fun - soccer. For one hundred and eighty minutes there were no coaches, no referees, no worries, just me and my French counterpart - Jean-Pier. To say the least, it was an eye opening experience; boy do I mean that in every sense of the expression. A hollering Jean-Pier bursting onto the field, overflowing with contagious excitement was enough to separate anyone's sleepy eyelids. But more seriously, the program opened my eyes to a whole new reality. It was one of those volunteering experiences where it's impossible to say who benefits more: those who are being volunteered for, or the actual volunteers. I grasped a new appreciation for what I have and a reinforced confidence that I can achieve. Keep in mind that I, being one of three children born into a family of two South American immigrants, had prior exposure to hard work and what it can bring. But seeing these bright-eyed children out there determined to learn how to play soccer was the kicker - no pun intended.
Hey, here's my UF essay...Just a rough draft at around 250 words, still have alot more to write. I just wanted to know if you guys think that it's going in the right direction or not. I'm not sure if the introduction is as attention-grabbing as it needs to be, or if I'm deviating too far from the prompt with meaningless details. Thanks so much!
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
1865 - The abolition of slavery. 1920 - The realization of women's rights. 1969 - Man's first step on the moon...All of these events recalibrated worldviews on a global scale. In 2009 I participated in a program that, however miniscule when compared to the previously stated events, altered my life and morphed the way I view the world - an organization called VIP Buddies. VIP Buddies meets early every Sunday morning at the Weston Regional Park for several hours, pairing volunteers like myself with mentally disabled children. We warmed up by treading around on the freshly sheared grass, and then delved into the real fun - soccer. For one hundred and eighty minutes there were no coaches, no referees, no worries, just me and my French counterpart - Jean-Pier. To say the least, it was an eye opening experience; boy do I mean that in every sense of the expression. A hollering Jean-Pier bursting onto the field, overflowing with contagious excitement was enough to separate anyone's sleepy eyelids. But more seriously, the program opened my eyes to a whole new reality. It was one of those volunteering experiences where it's impossible to say who benefits more: those who are being volunteered for, or the actual volunteers. I grasped a new appreciation for what I have and a reinforced confidence that I can achieve. Keep in mind that I, being one of three children born into a family of two South American immigrants, had prior exposure to hard work and what it can bring. But seeing these bright-eyed children out there determined to learn how to play soccer was the kicker - no pun intended.
