Posts by bluedevilcrazy

bluedevilcrazy

Aug 31, 2011

Undergraduate / "... and everybody was smiling" - UCF Admissions [5]

I actually really liked the essay and felt like you did a great job of explaining exactly why you like the college so much and wish to attend there. Your use of specific and detailed examples do a great job of reinforcing the fact that you have a great interest in the college. There are only a few mechanical things that i would suggest revising and then i would feel like this essay would be a definite winner. In the third sentence i think "showed" should be changed to "shown". "I have a real yearning for is UCF, it is the only place" i would suggest making this into two separate sentences as it sounds more like a run on/comma splice as it is now. other than these few corrections the paper sounds great and makes a great impression. hope this helps, and I would greatly appreciate it if you could provide some feedback on my paper. Our prompts were similar.

bluedevilcrazy

Aug 31, 2011

Undergraduate / Proof of concept / The friendship - Two most significant achievement-ISB [2]

Your first achievement confused me a bit as I am not familiar with many of the technological abreviations and terminolgy that was used. I know that you are trying to keep word count down so explaining these terms would be unreasonable, but maybe you should atleast spell them out so maybe theres a better chance of people's understanding. The second achievement sounds like a pretty inspirational story. I really liked title as it seems perfect to the story but would suggest maybe adding a little more personal detail to the story. Rather than just listing off the things you did for your friend you should instead forcus more on the immense amount of time that you spent doing these things and all of the great sacrifices that you made. These are just a few suggestions and I am no pro, so take or leave whatever you like.

bluedevilcrazy

Aug 31, 2011

Undergraduate / "NCAA Basketball champions" - Why are you a good match for duke? [4]

Prompt: Why are you a good match for duke?

I had no choice but to root for Duke. It was March of my first grade year and my dad had selected the Duke Blue Devils as the NCAA Basketball champions for his March Madness bracket. With a bet of more than five hundred dollars on the line between him and his co-workers, cheering for any other team would have been absolutely absurd. Ever since this year when I witnessed the bouncing enthusiasm of the Cameron Crazies and the third national championship of the basketball team, I had my mind set on becoming a Blue Devil.

One year after this thrilling run to the national title, a player by the name of J.J. Redick emerged as the captain of my local high school's basketball team. I attended each and every game his senior year and immediately began to idolize him. I waited in line for hours to obtain his autograph and even went to the extreme of entering a "young authors" contest with a narrative I had composed about the star. When I learned that the McDonald's All American was going to be continuing his basketball career at Duke University, it furthered my fascination into the college. After later visiting the college numerous times in high school, my passion for Duke remained unchanged. Finally stepping foot into Cameron Indoor Stadium was like a fantasy materializing directly before me. Taking a glimpse of the court that my childhood hero had once played on and beholding the legendary ambiance that existed in the stadium assured me that Duke was a perfect match for me. However, these trivial childhood experiences are not the only reasons I feel Duke is an excellent match for me and are not the sole things that attract me to Duke. Nevertheless, these incidents were what introduced me to the university and without their tremendous influence, my immense attraction towards Duke would not exist today.