Writing Feedback / Legal Studies Essay (Legalisation of Prostitution) [2]

Though it is generally tolerated, it is frowned upon in many societies for numerous reasons.

it is sorta vague, use the word prostitution or synonyms.

After amendments to legislations, the latest reform in NSW is the Brothels Legislation Act 2007 which permits brothels , provided that the owner has a license from the local council. NSW is also the only state to allow soliciting on the streets. The legalisation of prostitution received different responses****** both sides are supported by legal and non-legal groups.

You might want to spell out what NSW stands for before you start abbreviating it
brothels-- a good definition to define for clarification
****** insert more words here, i don't really understand what the sentence is trying to say

This legislation was passed by the Minister for Police, Hon Paul Whelan MP, expressing that he introduced

verb tense

The government's authority to close down unlicensed brothels (1995) in 1995 meant that disturbance to the community would be avoided.

As prostitution, especially in NSW, was often linked with organised crime, the legalisation, enabled increased surveillance and aimed to cease this link.

this whole sentence confuses me

There are many NGOs who support the decriminalisation of sex work and promote sex workers' rights.

Write it out

According to Austlii, the DPP alleged

write it out

each work off a debt of between $40, 000 and $45, 000

Despite all the reasons and groups supporting the legalisation of prostitution, there are, also many groups against this act

For example, a 2009 report in the Daily Telegraph showed that only 1one in 4four

This illustrates that the legalisation of prostitution does little in the monitoring of brothels, as a majority of the operations are illegal.

More recently, the Independent Commission Against Corruption (ICAC) found Wade Fryar, a former Parramatta City Council worker, accepting both cash and sexual favours from sex workers and brothel owners in exchange for overlooking illegal prostitution.

Try to break this down, it seems kind of long-winded

Parramatta Council Unit whose job it was to investigate

However, according to an article, in ABC News, written by Jamelle Wells, Fryar accepted free sexual services from at least five prostitutes and corrupt payments from brothel owners, totaling up to $40 ,000, between 2003 and February 2007. The aim of the legalisation of prostitution was to control and close down illegal brothels. However, this is was clearly not being achieved in the Wade Fryar Case, as the corrupt councillor counselor, misuses misused his power to his own advantage and for his own pleasure.

According to a press release titled 'Survivors of Prostitution and Trafficking Manifesto' (2005), women who were once victims of sex trafficking declared that " prostitution is violence against women" and that they had often experienced physical violence, rape and degradation from clients, police officers and many other people.

They stated that the legalisation of prostitution was " giving pimps and buyers legal permission to abuse women in prostitution" .

Does the legalistion of prostitution enable brothel owners, clients and others mistreat sex workers, or does it empower women giving and give them freedom to make their own choices regarding their bodies?

Overall it is a very good and informative essay. You have to keep in mind that you have to define some words and abbrevations. Basically, you have to act like the reader knows nothing about the topic. Other than that, it was just some minor errors. Good job! :)

Research Papers / Business proposal in e-commerce (setting up an online clothes retail store) [4]

First you should start by googling "The effects of the egyptian revolution on private businesses" and find 3-5 main/most important effects that it had. Make sure the effects you pick are ones that can be talked about extensively since it has to be 4,000 words long. Each important effect will be its own paragraph and don't forget to include an intro and conclusion! Good luck!

Undergraduate / Maintaining the school spirit - 'Why did you apply to UCF?' Freshman Application [3]

Haha yes I will fix it for admissions! That would be pretty funny if that little note was for them too. I had it normal before but it pasted weird. Thank you so much for reviewing my essay, it means a lot! :)