Graduate / 'intellectual ability as the most important asset' - SOP [4]

hi,
i could draft the skeleton of my sop to be like this but couldn't spot the exact errors. can someone please help me with the corrections. and if some major blunder was found please do point that too.

SOP:

Had there been a time machine to spot the exact origin of one's interest mine would go back to my eighth grade. Strolling down the memory lane, I still remember the day when our first system was set up. Its very first boot up had the screen lit up with the greeting message, "Windows ME". The feeling of having our own masterpiece was exciting and my joy knew no bounds. From there started my journey of working on computers.

Hailing from a family which believes intellectual ability to be one's most important asset, it is a proclivity for me to hold the same principle. My Intriguing behavior was always accompanied by flooding questions for everything around me. Ever since junior school, greater affinity towards mathematics and computational subjects had me participate in events like mathematics Olympiad etc. This was proved when I secured the top score in mathematics in the central board examinations. While active participation in interschool and national sports was an integral part; my liking for computers was also identified, burgeoning alongside. Basic courses like C, UNIX and MS Office were taught at the beginning of the computer era to make myself a tough competitor to my peers.

As years passed Standard display statements, formatting options available in the applications seemed to be insufficient and a thirst to work on complicated technologies had crept in. Hence a decision to pursue Information Communication Technology from AAA University seemed to be the best for my under graduation education. A decision to pursue with achieving my goals was possible with the right mix of syllabus provided by my university which ranged from entry level courses like introduction to computing, OS etc and advanced courses like DBMS, cryptography etc. This helped me to work in practical application development like "Microsoft's Student2Business" online competition. My mini project during pre final year done under the guidance of Dr.BBB was completed single handedly in a period of 3 months. Even though web applications were not a new area to venture, it helped me in experiencing real life software development cycle. Innate organizing skills had me contribute quantitatively in college level technical fests like 'DAKSH', department club 'SCANIT' competitions vouching the leadership qualities in me.

My immense interest in computers projected me to be a suitable candidate to Infosys technologies during their campus recruitment, an offer for internship for 6 months was also provided where our capability to master a particular domain was tested. A score of 4.7/5 had made me an extremely successful candidate and let me get into production in the latest domain available in their development centers'. A golden opportunity to carry out my final year project with an industrial experience was also provided by my recruiter where in I happened to work in computer network related field. The new dimensional field of work posed in front of me saw the peak of my potentials and this proved my capability as able software professional.

My work tenure in XXX from July 2010 has a mention of two critical projects which had their own unique features. The first ever project that I had involved was a tight deadline project whose client was "YYY", Chicago. This involved a blend of latest technologies like sharepoint, MOSS in the front end and a WCF service in the back end, middleware. A project involving reconstruction from available sources, the client spotted me to be a successful candidate due to my quick learning ability along with efficient cum successful work on the same. Hence I was eventually migrated from easy services to complicated ones. Next in the list of projects I worked on was associated with the client, "ZZZ" located in Dayton where in my work of integrating a third party tool, Tealeaf into their applications is still continuing and till date successfully proceeding forward. My proficiency in the language and ability to communicate well with the clients has lead to make me hold a responsible role in addition. Being a part of the Karunya, a club for the welfare of animals, the SALSA club, the Feusion, a club taking care of employee interest for a particular unit are just few extra curricula's where I concentrate in corporate level.

Exhibiting my talents and abilities in the organization level seemed to limit my interests and did not serve to be the apt medium to showcase myself. "We are either progressing or retrograding all the while; there is no such thing as remaining stationary in this life." I strongly believe these lines quoted by James to be analogous with mine as well as others life. And here I stand at a point where I have decided an MS in computer science from [UNIVERSITY NAME] to be the best option to gain erudition. Being a Philomath with innate qualities like independence, leadership, quick learning ability gives me the confidence that I can excel in the courses offered by your university and will also provide my level of contribution to the university.

[this part would vary for other universities]
After going through the various information sources available on the net and your university official website, the research going on in your reputable universities like ....goes with my love for.

Thanks,
avanthi