xSpectro
Sep 22, 2011
Undergraduate / "if I am not going to a university to learn..." - College Entrance [2]
Hey guys, I was just wondering if you guys can help me out and give some peer editing. Any help is truly appreciated. I think in some areas I need better sentence structure, and I also feel that I need a stronger conclusion. If you guys can give any advice that would be awesome!
I am applying to Florida State and here is the prompt:
This year's essay is described below and should be no longer than 500 words.
Florida State University is more than just a world-class academic institution preparing you for a future career. We are a caring community of well-rounded individuals who embrace leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. With this in mind, which of these characteristics appeal most to you, and why?
My Essay:
I believe that the will to learn is one of the most important values anyone can have. There is always something new to be learned and if we do not push ourselves, we can miss out on so much that the world has to offer. I am applying to Florida State University because I want to learn and also challenge myself. To be honest, if I am not going to a university to learn, I would be going for the wrong reason.
Throughout high school, I constantly have been trying to push myself in order to learn and better prepare myself for the future. Although going to a small private high school most of my life held many limitations, I always took the most advanced courses that were available to me. There were no AP courses offered until grade twelve, however I took every Honors course I could. A lot of people take high school learning opportunities for granted but I feel that if you aren't learning to your highest ability that you are just wasting your time.
I am not putting down my school's education, but my parents and I felt that I would be able to learn at a higher level somewhere else. We heard about Florida Gulf Coast University's Collegiate High School and I applied. Essentially, it is an early admission program where junior and senior high school students can enroll as a university student and take a full college schedule. I have four courses this semester and will be taking a Florida Virtual School course online as well. I have loved the college learning experience and am disappointed that I did not apply as a junior.
One place where I really found how to appreciate learning was at the People to People Business Summit I attended last year. They taught us about the ways we learn and how to learn more effectively. We were split up in groups where we created a mock business and were shown how to use things we learned in school and apply it to real life situations. It was a great experience and it showed me how important it is to challenge myself all the time.
Learning is a characteristic that I highly value. In my opinion, the way someone learns is a good way to tell how he or she lives their life and how motivated they really are. I think it is something that too many people take for granted. Not everyone is privileged enough to be able to further their learning experience at a university level and for that, I am very grateful that I have this opportunity.
Hey guys, I was just wondering if you guys can help me out and give some peer editing. Any help is truly appreciated. I think in some areas I need better sentence structure, and I also feel that I need a stronger conclusion. If you guys can give any advice that would be awesome!
I am applying to Florida State and here is the prompt:
This year's essay is described below and should be no longer than 500 words.
Florida State University is more than just a world-class academic institution preparing you for a future career. We are a caring community of well-rounded individuals who embrace leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. With this in mind, which of these characteristics appeal most to you, and why?
My Essay:
I believe that the will to learn is one of the most important values anyone can have. There is always something new to be learned and if we do not push ourselves, we can miss out on so much that the world has to offer. I am applying to Florida State University because I want to learn and also challenge myself. To be honest, if I am not going to a university to learn, I would be going for the wrong reason.
Throughout high school, I constantly have been trying to push myself in order to learn and better prepare myself for the future. Although going to a small private high school most of my life held many limitations, I always took the most advanced courses that were available to me. There were no AP courses offered until grade twelve, however I took every Honors course I could. A lot of people take high school learning opportunities for granted but I feel that if you aren't learning to your highest ability that you are just wasting your time.
I am not putting down my school's education, but my parents and I felt that I would be able to learn at a higher level somewhere else. We heard about Florida Gulf Coast University's Collegiate High School and I applied. Essentially, it is an early admission program where junior and senior high school students can enroll as a university student and take a full college schedule. I have four courses this semester and will be taking a Florida Virtual School course online as well. I have loved the college learning experience and am disappointed that I did not apply as a junior.
One place where I really found how to appreciate learning was at the People to People Business Summit I attended last year. They taught us about the ways we learn and how to learn more effectively. We were split up in groups where we created a mock business and were shown how to use things we learned in school and apply it to real life situations. It was a great experience and it showed me how important it is to challenge myself all the time.
Learning is a characteristic that I highly value. In my opinion, the way someone learns is a good way to tell how he or she lives their life and how motivated they really are. I think it is something that too many people take for granted. Not everyone is privileged enough to be able to further their learning experience at a university level and for that, I am very grateful that I have this opportunity.